Calling a pastor’s wife “First Lady” is unbiblical. A pastor’s wife should support her husband humbly as “one-flesh,” not to hold a special title or position of authority in the church.
Nothing in Scripture indicates that the spouse of a church office holder should receive some sort of honorary title such as First Lady. To do so elevates that spouse above others, puts undue pressure on her, and goes against biblical instruction for Christian leaders to serve and remain humble.
Mary Todd Lincoln, “Ladybird” Johnson, Melania Trump—these are just a few of the women that have been called “First Lady. This honorary title is a political tradition in the U.S. Some churches extend this honor to the wives of pastors. And some churches go beyond that and give the pastor’s wife leadership roles and power to make decisions and co-pastor the church. The problem? Both are unbiblical. The Bible does not support female pastors, and it teaches humility.
No one in a church setting should be called First Lady because:
The Bible doesn’t identify any God-ordained office for such an office or title.
The title draws on the traditions of culture and society, not the Bible.
The use of First Lady could (and sometimes is) extended to the family's children as the First Son or First Daughter. This elevates the family above other members of the congregation, creating a hierarchy and threatening to establish a leadership dynasty, which is not how God designed the church to function.
Bestowing such a title opposes the spirit of humility, servanthood, impartiality, and mutual respect called for repeatedly in the New Testament (e.g., Luke 6:31, Romans 11:18, Ephesians 4:1–16).
Elevating the wife of a pastor communicates that she deserves special privilege and entitlement.
Granting this title may spark competition among believers and put pressure on the pastor's wife to distinguish herself by the way she presents herself outwardly instead of focusing on the inner self (1 Peter 3:3–4).
Church congregations should appreciate the wife and family of a pastor; often, the family sacrifices greatly for the good of the congregation. But bestowing titles, and possibly authority, is not biblically supported, could be a snare of pride to the pastor’s wife, and puts an inappropriate hierarchy between the congregation and the pastor’s wife. Church members should allow the pastor's wife to minister in the way God has equipped and directed her and not impose an unbiblical cultural expectation on her.
A pastor’s wife is not required to have a specific church-assigned role—her calling is to follow Christ, support her husband, and care for her home with wisdom and faithfulness. Anything beyond that is voluntary, not expected, freeing her from unrealistic pressures.
Men and women are equal in worth, but the role of elder is consistently given to qualified men based on God’s creation design. Women serve powerfully in many ways, but the Bible never presents a female elder.
The Bible most likely intends deacons to be men, though some debate exists over the possibility of female deacons. Regardless, women play vital, God-given roles in teaching, serving, and building up the church alongside men.
A pastor has authority to teach God’s Word, guide the church, and set a Christlike example, but his power is not absolute. He must lead humbly alongside other leaders, without domineering, and cannot control the hearts or salvation of members.
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