What is meant by 'dying to self'? How are Christians supposed to die to self?

from the old testament

• God repeatedly called His people to turn from their own desires and obey His commands (Deuteronomy 10:12–13). Loving God with all one’s heart required placing His will above personal desires.
• The Old Testament often describes humbling oneself before the Lord as the proper response to sin (2 Chronicles 7:14; Psalm 51:16–17). This posture reflects a rejection of pride and self-rule.
• Wisdom literature stresses trusting the Lord instead of relying on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5–6). This anticipates the New Testament idea of surrendering the self to God.

from the new testament

• The exact phrase "dying to self" is not found in the Bible, but there are many verses that refer to self-denial and the death of the flesh. For example, Jesus taught that following Him requires denying oneself and taking up one’s cross daily (Matthew 16:24; Luke 9:23). Discipleship means surrendering personal control to Him.
• Several times, Jesus also said the following: "For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it" (Mark 8:35).
• Believers are described as having died with Christ so His life now defines theirs (Galatians 2:20): "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Our old identity shaped by sin is replaced with a new life in Him.
• The Christian life involves walking by the Holy Spirit rather than gratifying the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16–25). True self-denial happens through dependence on God’s Spirit.
• Paul also said, "For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory" (Colossians 3:3-5). Our life at salvation becomes about living for Christ, not for self.
• At the moment of salvation, the old person who we once were dies, and we become a "new creation" (2 Corinthians 5:17).
• At salvation, believers are indwelt by the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:13; Romans 8:9; Ephesians 1:13-14) and are "in Christ." Dying to self is the continual denial of the flesh that occurs over a believer's lifetime, and the continual agreement with the Holy Spirit.
• Only a "new creation" will choose daily to die to self, to selfish desires and selfish will. The old man cannot obey God, nor does he want to (Ephesians 4:17-32; Romans 7).
• Every person is born sinful, because we all belong to the line of Adam and we all carry the curse (Romans 5:12-14). But when we believe in Jesus, that sinful self is crucified with Christ. We are set free from the curse (Romans 6:6-7), free to live for Him and not enslaved to our sin nature.
• After the death of the old self, we exist in a state of both life and death: our old, sinful self dies, and the life we continue to live is described as "hidden with Christ in God" (Colossians 3:2-5), because our true life is now eternal life, and "the life [we] now live in the body" is lived for the sake of Christ and the gospel, rather than for our own sake (Galatians 2:20 NIV).

implications for today

Dying to self is truly a gift when we realize that living for self does not lead to what it promises. It leads us to distraction and destruction. We can only focus on ourselves so long before we inevitably hurt someone or miss something important. Living for self is actually living like a dead man walking—we don’t know we are dead to the good things of God that can fully satisfy and lead to abundant life—until Christ resurrects us.

Believers recognize that sin leads to death, so they trust in Christ’s death and resurrection for the forgiveness of sins and the giving of eternal life. As such, we no longer live for ourselves but for Christ, who lives within us. Dying to self is part of what we must do to remember these realities.

Dying to self does not mean we do not care about ourselves at all or work harder to be more spiritual. It means we see ourselves rightly and surrender to the One who is in charge. This happens daily because we are so prone to wander and follow our own way. Yet dying to self is not about what we are not allowed to do (Colossians 2:20–23); it is about what we are now freed to do in Christ. Before faith in Christ, every person is a slave to sin and self-effort toward salvation. However, after salvation, as we abide in Christ and daily die to our flesh and surrender to Him, we are free to live the good life God intended—one shaped by love, obedience, and trust in Jesus Christ, producing the kind of fruit that lasts into eternity.