Unforgiveness – What does the Bible say?

from the old testament

• Old Testament Mosaic Law commanded God’s people to forgive each other: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:17-18).
• Joseph exemplifies forgiveness in that he forgave his brothers, even though they had sold him into slavery (Genesis 45:4-8; 50:19-21).

from the new testament

• In Jesus’ parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:21–35), a servant's master forgives the servant's debt, a debt described as so large there would be no way to repay it. The servant, however, then seeks out a man who owes him money, a repayable amount, and pressures him to pay up. Upon hearing of the servant's actions, the master finds him and has him jailed. Jesus then says: "So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:35).
• That parable communicates what Jesus directly states in Matthew 6:14: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
• When a woman with an immoral reputation shows Jesus honor through anointing His feet and washing them with her tears, Simon the Pharisee has negative thoughts about Jesus. Jesus, knowing Simon’s thoughts, presents parable: “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?" to which Simon answered "The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt” (Luke 7:41-43). Jesus replies, "You have judged rightly,” then goes on to describe how the woman went out of her way to honor Him whereas Simon did not (verses 44-45). He then says, “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." (Luke 7:37-47).
• Belieers were once far from God and had no way to draw close to Him. Jesus offered Himself to take our punishment for our sins and offer us the ultimate forgiveness (Romans 5:8).
• Unforgiveness may give Satan an opportunity to infiltrate our life (2 Corinthians 2:5–11).
• Holding onto bitterness so often stems from unforgiveness. Ephesians 4:31 says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”
• The Bible indicates that failing to seek peace with everyone can actually defile us: "Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled" (Hebrews 12:14–15).
• Because Jesus has paid our sin debt, we can receive God's forgiveness through faith. The way we treat others, including offering forgiveness, demonstrates our understanding of God's grace (James 2:14–26).
• Jesus demonstrated the best example of patience, grace, and forgiveness in the face of suffering: “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). Even when people hurt us in some of the most cruel and unjust ways, we should emulate Jesus’ example and forgive them instead of growing bitter or resentful.

implications for today

Unforgiveness does nothing but harm our own hearts. A common saying is that refusing to forgive is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die. Unforgiveness tends to hurt the one withholding forgiveness more than the one in need of forgiveness. This is not to say that what people do to us does not matter or that it does not hurt deeply. Forgiveness is difficult work. People really do wrong us in serious ways. But God will ultimately hold them accountable (Romans 12:19; Hebrews 10:30). Our job is to forgive them—that is, release them from the debt they owe us and relinquish our right to pay back the wrong they've done to us.

Of course, that does not mean that when we forgive someone they are fully released from all consequences of their actions. They may need to make restitution, may face civil punishment, and the damage done to the relationship may be permanent. Forgiveness does not automatically reestablish trust; we don't have to open ourselves up to repeated harm. However, forgiveness is a heart posture of grace. It is a willingness to restore what has been broken—giving up personal rights of retribution. Ultimately, forgiveness recognizes the grace God has given us. Unforgiveness is simply not a biblical option.