If we sin against someone, do we need to confess to them?

TL;DR:

Confessing sins to God is essential, but sometimes, confessing sin to others is necessary for reconciliation. We should seek God’s guidance to discern when confessing to others would be beneficial.

God calls us to confess our sins to Him. When we do this and trust in Christ’s death and resurrection for the forgiveness of sins, the Bible promises He will forgive us all our wrongdoing and restore us back to right relationship with God. However, even believers continue to sin after salvation. Even though Jesus took the ultimate judgment of our sin, sin still has consequences, impacting our relationship with God and with others. Because of this, we are called to be honest with God and to come to Him for forgiveness. The Bible also calls us to seek reconciliation, which can mean confessing our sins to others and asking for their forgiveness. Confessing our sins that impact others may be necessary to restore a relationship, but not necessarily every sin needs to be confessed to every believer. We can ask God for guidance to decide whether or not we should directly confess sin to someone we have sinned against. Ultimately, our sin needs to be confessed to God in order for us to experience His forgiveness and restoration, as 1 John 1:9 reminds us.

from the old testament

The Psalmist tells us that we are blessed when our sins are forgiven and covered. We find this forgiveness through confessing our sins to God (Psalm 32:1–2).
The Psalmist speaks personally of the forgiveness found when sin is no longer covered up or hidden from God but is instead confessed (Psalm 32:5).
When we cover up and hide our sins, we do not prosper, yet when we confess and turn away from them, God shows us mercy (Proverbs 28:13).

from the new testament

Peter asks Jesus how many times we are to forgive someone who sins against us, and Jesus’s answer tells us that we should always forgive offenses (Matthew 18:21–22).
Believers are called to be kind and compassionate, modeling the forgiveness God gave us to each other (Ephesians 4:32).
We are to clothe ourselves with attributes such as patience, humility, gentleness, and forgiveness. As God forgave us, so we are to forgive each other (Colossians 3:12–13).
We are to confess our sins to other believers and pray for each other (James 5:16).
When we confess our sins to God, He will forgive us and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

implications for today

A key question in the area of confessing our sin to those we’ve sinned against should be whether confessing the sin to the other person could help them in some way. In other words, if the confession is simply for our own benefit, then we can confess before God or share with another trusted friend. However, if confessing our sin to the other person or people involved could help reconcile a relationship or help those involved, we should seek to make the situation better. For example, suppose you really wanted the car that belongs to one of your friends. You feel jealous and even covet your friend's car, wishing it were yours. In this case, you will feel led to confess this sin to God, but you would not necessarily need to bring it up to your friend. It would not be beneficial to your friend and could actually make the situation worse by making it a bigger issue.

However, suppose you were gossiping about a friend and later felt badly about it. You can confess your sin to God, but you may also feel the need to talk with the other person because he or she knows about the situation and has been hurt by your gossip. Your confession to your friend could help reconcile your relationship and be of great help to him or her. In this case, confessing your sin to the other person would be both appropriate and beneficial. We need not confess every sin to those involved, but when helpful to the other person or in public matters, reconciliation is needed, and confession to those involved offers a picture of handling sin in a Christ-like manner.

understand

We are, first and foremost, to confess our sins to God.
We should confess sins to others involved if it is beneficial to them that we do so.
We should practice forgiveness when others confess their sins against or toward us.

reflect

What are your habits in confessing your sins to God?
In what ways do you see your sin impacting your relationship with God and others?
Are there times when confessing a sin to someone else has helped restore a relationship? What was the outcome?

engage

What are the benefits of confessing your sins to God and others?
How can we discern when confession to another person would be helpful and when it might do more harm than good?
How can practicing forgiveness help us navigate the process of confession and reconciliation?