What is biblical advice for parents struggling with letting go of their adult children?

TL;DR:

Letting go of adult children is hard, but as Christians, we can trust God to guide, protect, and provide for them throughout life. Our ultimate identity and purpose are found in Christ, not in parenting, so we can release control and embrace new seasons with joy as we seek to honor Him with each stage of life.

what does the bible say?

Letting go of adult children can be a difficult, though necessary, transition for all parents (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Christian parents who have raised their children to honor the Lord have the added benefit of faith that God will watch over and care for them throughout their lives (Proverbs 22:6; Psalm 121:7-8; Ephesians 6:4). The Old Testament tells the story of Hannah who prayed to God for a child; her faith and trust in God led her to promise to dedicate her child to God to serve in the tabernacle (1 Samuel 1–2). Her son Samuel became one of Israel’s foremost prophets (1 Samuel 3:19-20). Ideally, parents who have given their children over to God throughout their children’s lives and taught them to trust in God (Proverbs 3:5-6) will see this in the lives of their adult children. In the New Testament, Paul noted Timothy’s godly upbringing, which produced a God-fearing young man (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:14-15). Timothy’s early influences and Hannah’s exemplary faith in God are models for all Christian parents. Ultimately, all believers are God’s children, and nothing can change that (John 1:12; Romans 8:38-39). The more we know God, the more we are able to trust that He will care for our children.

from the old testament

Parenting is a serious call and commitment. We are called to raise children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:4–9) and to train them in how to live a godly life (Proverbs 22:6).
Some parents fear letting go. The world is full of dangers and temptations, and our natural desire is to protect our children from them. However, as Christians, we are reminded that God is the greatest Protector and Guide for our children (Proverbs 3:5–6; Psalm 127:3–5).
Ultimately, our adult children need to go out on their own as part of the transition from childhood to adulthood. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”
Hannah exemplifies how trust in God can put a parent’s mind to rest about a child’s well-being. She dedicated Samuel to God when he was just a small child (1 Samuel 1–2), and Samuel served God faithfully throughout his life (1 Samuel 25:1).

from the new testament

Parenting requires serious commitment and wisdom. We are called to disciple and discipline children without exasperating them (Ephesians 6:4). We give our children good gifts (Matthew 7:11) and provide for their needs (1 Timothy 5:8). After years of being so intentional about raising your child well, it is hard to let go.
Entrusting children to God eases the process of seeing them go. If our child does not know Christ, we pray for his or her salvation and trust that we serve a God who pursues the lost (2 Peter 3:9; John 6:44). Adult children who follow Christ can embrace the joy of being a brother or sister, and co-heir, of Christ with the parents we have loved and cared for so much; we are all children of God (John 1:12; Romans 8:16-17).
Letting go of our children is not abandoning them—it is trusting God to lead and guard their steps, knowing that He works all things for good (Romans 8:28). The apostle Paul notes that Timothy’s grandmother and mother had raised him to be a godly young man (2 Timothy 1:5).
Letting go is sometimes difficult when parenting has become a person’s primary identity and purpose. Without daily caregiving, parents may feel uncertain of who they are. Scripture reminds us that our ultimate identity and worth are found in Christ, not in our roles (Galatians 2:20; Colossians 3:3-4). When we notice that our sense of value is tied to our children (or anything else but God), we can pray for a renewed perspective.

implications for today

Parents’ love for a child is sometimes described as fierce and unbreakable. Parents invest about twenty years into raising their children, caring for them, teaching them everything from how to walk to how to drive. Is it any wonder that parents can struggle letting go of their children?

Even for Christians who have trusted their children to God from the beginning and relied on God for their own sense of identity, entering into a new season can be difficult. It helps to remind ourselves that God is sovereign and that He is consistently working to grow us and complete His work in us (Philippians 1:6). We can renew our trust in God for our children, asking that He provide for them, guide them, and protect them. We can pray for God to reveal what He has in store for us next.

Of course, letting go of adult children does not mean parents no longer have a role in their lives. Rather, it is an adjustment in the relationship. We no longer bear primary responsibility for our child. We have trained them up and now have the joy of watching them grow and learn in adulthood. Often it takes a few years for the child to become comfortable in adulthood. Some separation pain and perhaps tense moments on both sides of the relationship will arise. But for many, adulthood is a stage in which parents and children become friends.

Whether we find letting go difficult or easy, we do so by recognizing that our children are in God's loving and able hands. When you find yourself struggling with letting go, take solace in what God says about Himself in His Word, seek Him in prayer, and then rest in His faithfulness.

understand

While we are entrusted to care for and rear our children, God is the ultimate guide and protector of them.
Letting go means entrusting our adult children to God while praying and offering guidance when appropriate.
Our identity is in Christ, not parenting, and this truth allows us to embrace new seasons.

reflect

How have you been relying on parenting as a source of your identity instead of as an entrusted role that changes with seasons?
How can you actively entrust your adult children to God’s guidance and protection in your prayers?
How might releasing control over your children allow you to embrace the new season God has for your life?

engage

How can we encourage one another to trust God fully with our adult children while still being intentional in our relationship with them?
What practical steps can a parent take to transition from being the primary caregiver to entering a new season of building relationship with adult children?
How does recognizing that our ultimate identity is in Christ change the way we approach letting go of our children?