How should a Christian handle conflict?

from the old testament

• When handling conflict, we must remember that a soft answer turns away wrath, while harsh words only stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
• We must remember not to take revenge or hold grudges, but instead, to love our neighbor as ourselves (Leviticus 19:18). We should handle conflict in a godly way, so bitterness does not take root, and we should do this remembering that revenge and “winning” the argument are not the goal.
• Psalm 34:14 calls us to turn away from evil and actively seek peace and pursue it. As much as it depends on us, we are not to let conflict lead us into sin, and we are to actively pursue peace with the other person.
• Proverbs 19:11 reminds us that good sense makes us slow to anger, and it is honorable to overlook an offense. This does not mean that we ignore all things, but we must choose when it is wise to handle conflict and over what issues. Not everything is worth having conflict over.
• Proverbs 20:22 warns us not to repay evil with evil but to wait for the Lord to deliver us. Even when someone else accuses us, threatens us, or handles conflict in an ungodly way, we are not to repay evil with evil and do what they are doing; instead, we are to look to the Lord for how to respond.

from the new testament

• Jesus said that the peacemakers are blessed (Matthew 5:9). Peacemakers are people who actively seek reconciliation, seek to resolve conflicts in a godly way, and promote harmony rooted in God’s love and truth.
• Matthew 6:14–15 teaches that if we forgive others, our heavenly Father will also forgive us. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, letting go, or excusing someone. Forgiveness means intentionally choosing not to harbor resentment toward another person. Sometimes, forgiveness comes without reconciliation, but in those situations, forgiveness still means not harboring resentment because you trust God to right all wrongs done to you. We can forgive, even if the other person is unwilling to make things right.
• Matthew 5:23–24 tells us to reconcile with our brother before offering our gift to God. Conflict within relationships, especially in the body of Christ, negatively impacts our relationships with God and others. God cares about restoring relationships.
• Galatians 6:1 instructs us to restore someone caught in sin with a spirit of gentleness. The way we handle conflict—the way we talk, our body language, our heart behind what we are saying—makes a difference toward seeking restoration.
• We are called to live peaceably with all, as far as it depends on us (Romans 12:18). This means that we must be the ones pursuing conflict resolution and peace, as much as it depends on us. We cannot wait for the other to do something, even if it was their fault.
• Romans 12:17 tells us not to repay evil for evil but to do what is honorable in everyone’s sight. Like the Old Testament proverb (Proverbs 25:21–22), we are to repay evil or unkindness with love. In doing so, we “heap burning coals on his head,” a picture also echoed in Romans 12:20.
• Ephesians 4:2–3 calls us to show humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another in love to maintain unity.
• Ephesians 4:25 calls us to put off falsehood and to speak truthfully to others. This applies in conflict as well, though we must remember to do so with love (Ephesians 4:15).
• Ephesians 4:26 reminds us that it is not a sin to get angry, especially when we are wronged or in the midst of conflict; however, we must not sin in our anger. When anger arises, we are called to address it quickly, seek reconciliation, and respond with self-control and love, rather than allowing bitterness, revenge, or harsh words to take root (Ephesians 4:27; James 1:19–20).
• Ephesians 4:27 calls us not to give the devil a foothold. When we don’t address conflict or fail to handle it in a godly way, we give the enemy an opportunity to sow division, bitterness, and ongoing strife in our hearts and relationships (James 3:14–16; 1 Peter 5:8).
• Second Timothy 2:23–24 warns us to avoid foolish controversies because they lead to quarrels, and the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind.
• Above all, we should love one another earnestly because love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Love does not mean excusing sin. Love means seeking to do what is right and best for the other person. Love means seeking to restore and reconcile. Love means speaking and acting in a way that is honoring to them. Love means being patient and kind, bearing with their weaknesses, forgiving their faults, and pursuing peace and unity in all relationships (1 Corinthians 13:4–7; Colossians 3:12–14).
• James 5:9 commands us not to grumble against one another, so we may not be judged. Conflict will often lead us to grumble against another person. While we do need to process our feelings, we should do so with self-control, seeking God’s guidance, and addressing the issue directly and respectfully, rather than allowing complaints or bitterness to fester (Proverbs 15:28; Ephesians 4:31–32).
• Humility is essential in handling conflict because it requires us to examine our own role before criticizing others; Jesus teaches in Matthew 7:3–5 to first recognize the plank in our own eye before addressing the speck in someone else’s eye. James 4:10 calls us to humble ourselves before the Lord, and Philippians 2:3–4 reminds us to do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit but to value others above ourselves. We need to seek understanding of the other person and seek to understand what role we played in any conflict.

implications for today

Conflict is a reality of life. We don’t enjoy it, but it exists because we are sinners who live imperfectly. When conflict arises, we should prayerfully respond with patience, humility, and love. For example, if a coworker criticizes our work unfairly, instead of reacting in anger or gossiping to others, we can choose to speak calmly and seek understanding, aiming for reconciliation, rather than “winning” the argument. We may “win” the argument, but we lose the person, which is not Christ-like. If a family member repeatedly offends or frustrates us, we can practice forgiveness without harboring resentment, addressing the issue respectfully while praying to and trusting in God to work in their heart. We can take time to assess what role we played in the conflict and ask the Holy Spirit to give us a spirit of gentleness when we address the issues. By doing this, we prevent bitterness from taking root and maintain our own peace and integrity.

Handling conflict in a godly way also means knowing when to step back and respond thoughtfully, rather than impulsively. During disagreements, we can avoid escalating quarrels by actively listening, asking clarifying questions, pursuing peace as much as it depends on us, and seeking solutions that honor God, the truth, and those involved. Practically, this could look like taking a moment before responding to a harsh email, inviting a coworker to talk in private, rather than texting complaints, or praying for the person who hurt us instead of complaining about them to others. By handling conflict in these ways, we can reflect Christ’s love. When we respond with patience, humility, and forgiveness, we demonstrate the transformative power of God’s Spirit, turning potentially divisive situations into opportunities for growth, understanding, and stronger relationships. In doing so, we honor God, protect our hearts from bitterness, and cultivate an environment where love, grace, and unity can flourish.