How should Christian parents respond if one of their children comes out as gay?

from the old testament

• The Bible is very clear in defining homosexuality as a sin. In both the Old Testament and the New Testament homosexuality is specifically referred to it as sinful. Sodom and Gomorrah were overthrown for their wickedness, which included homosexuality (Genesis 18:20—19:29)
• In Old Testament Mosaic Law, homosexual behavior was a capital crime (Leviticus 20:13).
• Leviticus 18:22 states, "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination." Homosexuality is not the worst sin, as it is sometimes portrayed. Although the consequences for each sin are different, all sin separates us from God.

from the new testament

• The New Testament also refers to homosexuality as a sin (Romans 1:26-28; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 1 Timothy 1:10-11).
• Christian parents are called to respond with both truth and love (Ephesians 4:15). Love doesn’t mean approval, and love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6). Truth involves teaching God’s standards and helping children understand His design for sexuality. Love involves maintaining a relationship that communicates acceptance of the child, but not the sin. We must never put our children above God. True love for our children won’t approve of sin that will lead them to hell..
• Parents are to model the gospel in their words, attitudes, and actions (1 Peter 3:15), pointing their children toward Christ as the ultimate source of identity, purpose, and hope (John 14:6; Galatians 2:20).

implications for today

As homosexuality becomes more acceptable and even encouraged within our society, Christian parents are increasingly confronted with the dilemma of how to respond when one of their children identifies with a sexual orientation other than heterosexuality. In general, the church has not always set a great example. Its methods tend to either condemn it as the worst of all sins, which alienates people from the church, or accept it with open arms, thus disregarding biblical truth.

Christian parents should respond with love for the child, but not the sin, following the example of the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. Even though God's people, the Israelites, turned away from Him time and again, He never stopped loving them. He does the same for us, but we should not “presume on the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience” and should realize that patience and mercy are“meant to lead . . . to repentance?" (Romans 2:4).

But parents should always speak the truth to a child as doing so is loving (1 Corinthians 13:6; Ephesians 4:15). Remind your child that the Bible is God's Word and the ultimate authority (2 Timothy 3:16-17) and that if he has accepted Christ as Savior, his identity is in Christ, not sexual preference (Galatians 2:20; 1 John 3:1-2). It helps to ask questions to understand if your child is just struggling with thoughts of same sex attraction or acting upon those thoughts and living a homosexual lifestyle. Thoughts can be redirected (Philippians 4:8). Encourage him to make God his number one priority and to focus on growing in his relationship with Him through regular Bible reading and fellowship with other true believers (Proverbs 27:17; Hebrews 10:25). If he is truly seeking God, he will eventually become aware of the sin in his life and have to make the choice to repent or knowingly continue to disobey God.

Finally, pray for your child. While your child might see how his sexual orientation is in conflict with his relationship with God, it is also possible that he is blinded by lies that there is nothing sinful about homosexuality. In this case biblical truth may fall on deaf ears. Pray specifically that God will transform his heart from one of stone to one of flesh so that God's spirit can begin to work inside of him (Ezekiel 36:26).

Ultimately, all parents must entrust their children to God. He loves our children with perfect love.