Does the Bible say anything about being a people-pleaser?

from the old testament

• King Saul, the first king of Israel, began as God’s chosen, anointed ruler. However, later in his reign, he allowed his fear of what people thought of his actions to get in the way of obeying God’s commands to him. These choices, ultimately, were part of what led to God rejecting Saul as king (1 Samuel 15:24-26).
• When we fear others, whether what they will do to us or their opinions of us, we show a lack of focus and trust in God. True safety, value, and validation comes from God (Proverbs 29:26).

from the new testament

• If we are truly believers in Christ, our daily goal should be self-denial and to follow Jesus, not other people (Luke 9:23).
• The example Jesus gave us is to always be focused on doing things that are pleasing to God, rather than pleasing to people (John 8:29).
• Many people in Jesus’ day believed in Him but did not share their belief aloud because they feared people’s disapproval, especially that of the Pharisees, and that it would result in their being put out of the Synagogue (John 12:42-43).
• Early on, as the apostles were beginning the first century church, their preaching brought persecution from the religious leaders. Their response to the orders to stop preaching about Jesus was to declare obedience to God rather than to people (Acts 5:29).
• Whatever we do, it should be done to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).
• When we fully follow God, there may be decisions we make or views we have that are not pleasing to people. We cannot always please both God and people, and in those times, God must be our priority (Galatians 1:10).
• In following Christ, we should be striving each day to keep in step with His Spirit, not to keep up with what other people have or are doing (Galatians 5:25).
• We should always be ready to show compassion to others and to care for them as we are able, but it should be out of obedience to God and for His glory, not for the good opinion of those around us (Philippians 2:1-11).
• When we increase our knowledge of God, we are able to better walk with Him and enjoy the truthful reminders of our value in Him as a result (Colossians 1:10).
• At times, people around us will not be pleased by sound, biblical doctrine. We must stay the course with biblical belief and not cave into the incorrect teachings of others, even at the risk of not pleasing them (2 Timothy 4:3).

implications for today

People-pleasing may sound like a positive trait upfront. It seems admirable to want to be kind to others and make them happy. However, seeking to please other people is different from genuinely seeking their best interest. Also, inherent in the concept of being a people-pleaser is the associated idea that people-pleasers do things based on the amount of favor they think they will get from others. This type of people-pleasing is not actually pleasing other people at all, because it is inherently self-pleasing. People-pleasing becomes unhealthy when pleasing others is more of a motivator than pleasing God. When we're working to please other people in the moment to gain favor to make ourselves feel good, rather than seeking their best, we are not loving others as God loves them. When we're making the reaction of other people our standard for how we evaluate ourselves, we're looking to other people as gods rather than to God, which is idolatry.

At the core, people-pleasing is rooted in insecurity and a deep need for the approval of others. It is selfish because people-pleasing is, really, an attempt for the "pleaser" to feel valuable. While a people-pleaser may be a sensitive person who genuinely cares about making others happy, it can easily go awry when the pleaser enables another person to continue an unhealthy lifestyle or sin, for instance, by making them feel good instead of challenging them to righteous living.

Arguably the most awful part of people-pleasing is how it keeps us trapped within our own selves, unable to be all that God has planned for us to be. It causes us to keep our mouths shut when we should be using them to speak truth rather than flattering words. It makes us feel threatened when we do speak, because we worry we will lose the favor of others that we have worked so carefully to cultivate. Rather than rest secure in Christ, we live anxiously seeking the approval of others.

As is the case with any area of sin that the Lord reveals to us, the first step to freedom from people-pleasing is to confess it as sin and ask for God's forgiveness. Then we need to replace our misguided people-pleasing tendencies with the truth of God. Increase in your knowledge of God. Read the Word, pray, fast, and seek to know God more. We are less prone to people-pleasing when we accurately understand God's character and His demeanor toward His children. We must renew our minds to the truth of God's Word and be ready to surrender afresh to Him each day.