Anyone in an abusive situation is in a very difficult situation, and it grieves God. The Bible does not list abuse as a direct reason for divorce, but it never commands anyone to remain in danger. Scripture permits divorce for sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32) or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15), yet it does not mean a person is to stay in an abusive marriage. Victims should seek safety and obey civil authorities when abuse occurs (Romans 13:1-2). This means reporting crimes (physical and sexual abuse are crimes) while protecting themselves and any children and setting strong boundaries, even if that requires separation. While reconciliation is the ultimate goal and Matthew 18:15-17 outlines steps for confrontation that may include church involvement and temporary distance, a victim should not tolerate abuse. If separation leads the abuser to commit adultery or file for divorce, the innocent spouse is biblically free to divorce and remarry. God’s heart is for justice, protection, and restoration, not enabling sin or violence. In every situation, He promises wisdom and a way of escape that does not require sin (1 Corinthians 10:13; James 1:5).
If you are in a violent situation, please get to a safe place as soon as possible, and seek the help of police, medical personnel, a counselor, or whoever else is appropriate to the situation. If there are children involved, it is essential to protect them and remove them from the violent situation, regardless of whether they are being hurt themselves. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (http://www.thehotline.org) is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
If abuse is not explicitly a biblical reason for divorce, what, then are an abuse victim's options? It depends on the abuse. If it is not criminal, the reconciliation steps Jesus gives in Matthew 18:15-17 should be used. The goal of any conflict in a believer's life should be restoration of the relationship. This doesn't mean an uneasy truce but complete reconciliation. Confront in gentleness, privately. If the spouse refuses to listen, seek counseling—formal or informal. If the spouse still refuses to listen, bring it to the church. Complications arise, of course, if the spouse does not recognize the authority of the church. In that case, the victim needs to hang on to 1 Corinthians 10:13, which promises that God will provide a way through every situation that will not require sin, and James 1:5, which says God will always give wisdom to those who ask.
If the abuse is criminal, to include physical and sexual, the Bible is clear: obey civil authorities (Romans 13:1-2). Physical and sexual abuse are crimes. In some states, it is required by law to report a violent crime. In all states it is highly encouraged. God placed civil authorities over us for the protection and order of society, including the protection of a victim of marital abuse and the society of the family. It is godly to send an abusive spouse to jail.
The trickier question is, is abuse an acceptable reason for separation? If staying together would mean the criminal abuse of the spouse or victim, then yes. Endangering the life of a child is against the law as well. Scripturally, we can turn to 1 Corinthians 8:9 (NASB). Christ's sacrifice gives us the liberty to stay or go, "but take care that this liberty of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak." If staying would impel the abusive spouse to sin further, either physically, sexually, emotionally, or verbally, a separation for the purpose of initiating behavioral changes and eventual reconciliation should seriously be considered.
If the abusive situation leads to divorce, the question becomes, am I able to get remarried? Again, biblically speaking the only biblical grounds for divorce are sexual immorality and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. God calls us to uphold our marriage vows; they are a covenant that reflects our covenant relationship with God. If neither of these conditions is present, Scripture encourages remaining single or seeking reconciliation if possible (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). However, if the abuser’s actions result in adultery or true abandonment, the innocent spouse is free to remarry (Matthew 5:32; 1 Corinthians 7:15). Some interpret Matthew 19:8 as permission to divorce because of abuse, but if so, the abused is called not to remarry (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). In every case, prayer, wise counsel, and God’s guidance are essential to discern the right path forward.
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