God instituted marriage as a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:18, 24). The Old Testament shows that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:14-16). He also condemns adultery (Exodus 20:14; Proverbs 2:16-17). Scripture often presents the marriage covenant as symbolic of God’s covenant with His people. The book of Hosea, in which the Hosea marries a promiscuous, unfaithful woman, represents Israel’s unfaithfulness to God. The New Testament emphasizes marriage as a picture of Christ’s self-sacrificing relaitonship with the church (Ephesians 5). Marriage is not defined by sex, government paperwork, or public ceremonies, though these practices help provide clarity and honor the covenant. Cultural norms may guide how marriages are publicly recognized, but they cannot redefine God’s design. The essential requirement is that the couple cleaves to one another in a lifelong, exclusive relationship, following God’s intent.
A woman got a call from her new accountant. "I don't know how to file your taxes because you aren't married."
"What? We are married. We got married twenty-two years ago in California."
"Apparently the officiant never filed the proper paperwork. You were never legally married."
She'd been with him for over twenty years and had three sons. Were they married?
Slaves in the American south were often married in a short ceremony officiated by the owner and culminating in jumping over a broom. If the master(s) didn't approve of the marriage, some slaves would meet secretly at night and promise to be faithful to each other while standing under the stars. Were such couples biblically joined?
Groin injuries are common during war. If a soldier comes home impotent and marries his sweetheart, is he really married?
In Colorado, a couple can fill out a marriage license, turn it in, and be legally married. The state does not require a marriage to be solemnized by a third party. But can you be married with no ceremony or witnesses?
What constitutes marriage? Government validation? A ceremony? Sex?
Sex does not constitute a marriage. Exodus 22:16-17 clearly distinguishes between sex and marriage. If sex were equal to marriage, there would be no such thing as fornication. The first time someone had sex, it would be marriage; sex with every subsequent partner would constitute adultery or polygamy. Jesus was very specific when speaking to the Samaritan woman in John 4: "…For you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband" (John 4:18). Being sexually active with the man or living with him did not make her married.
In our world, government validation of marriage is usually necessary for certain benefits, but the Bible does not say official recognition constitutes marriage. In much of the early history of humankind, no centralized government oversaw marriages. Even today, some governments have no authority over marriages, and others add requirements which are contrary to the Bible.
Although Jesus attended the wedding at Cana (John 2:1-11) and Jacob had a ceremony when he married Leah (Genesis 29:21-25), the Bible does not say that a social function constitutes marriage. In some cases, as with slaves and during times of war, it may not even be possible. Although weddings should be times of joy and celebration, God does not require that joy to be public.
So, neither sex, government validation, nor a ceremony constitute a marriage. The Bible is clear that marriage was instituted by God between one man and one woman in a covenant relationship for life. While God doesn’t always give precise rules, such as stating what specifically needs to happen for a couple to be married, Christians can discern God’s intent by considering His character and the spirit of His commands, while also accounting for cultural norms. For example, clothing should clearly reflect one’s biological gender, even as acceptable styles vary across times and cultures (Deuteronomy 22:5). Similarly, whether a couple is married should not be ambiguous.
The initiation of marriage should follow societal norms as much as possible. If government validation is required, it should be sought. If a ceremony and witnesses of some sort are expected, they should be provided. Then again, if the situation is such that a ceremony is forbidden or sex impossible, they are not scripturally required as long as it is clear that the couple is married. The only strict biblical requirement for marriage is that the couple should leave their parents and cleave to each other. Other cultural norms that do not go against any specific biblical instructions should be followed as closely as possible.
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