What is/isn't a Christian married couple allowed to do, sexually?

from the old testament

• Genesis 2:24 tells us that God created sex and that sex in marriage reflects the covenantal oneness God intended: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Sex is a gift and blessing within marriage.
• Sexual intimacy is to be joyful and exclusive within marriage (Proverbs 5:18–19).
• Marital faithfulness is a command, not a suggestion (Exodus 20:14).
• Leviticus 18:6–23 prohibits incest, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and other sexual deviances. God provides moral boundaries for sexual relations to preserve holiness and dignity.
• Leviticus 20:10–21 reiterates penalties for unlawful sexual acts, showing their seriousness before God.
• Proverbs 5:3–23 warns against adultery and sexual temptation, urging faithfulness to one’s spouse.

from the new testament

• In Matthew 19:4–6 Jesus affirms Genesis 2:24, teaching that “what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Marriage is God-ordained, and sex within it is sacred.
• Jesus says lust equals adultery in the heart (Matthew 5:27–28). Inner purity is equally as important as outward fidelity. Any sexual act within marriage is meant to be pure, loving, and honoring to the other spouse.
• Romans 1:26–27 condemns unnatural sexual relations, including homosexual activity. This upholds God's created order and purpose for sex.
• 1 Corinthians 6:9–20 warns that the sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God; our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit.
• 1 Corinthians 7:2–5 emphasizes mutual satisfaction, consent, and sexual faithfulness in marriage.
• Sex in marriage is meant to strengthen the bond between husband and wife. According to 1 Corinthians 7:3–5, spouses are not to withhold sex as a form of punishment or manipulation but to give of themselves freely, as an act of love and mutual care.
• Marriage reflects Christ and the Church; sex is part of this loving, self-giving relationship (Ephesians 5:31–33). Husbands are to honor their wives, showing consideration and respect.
• Galatians 5:19–21 lists “sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality” among the works of the flesh.
• Sexual intimacy must be rooted in love, not selfishness or domination (1 Peter 3:7). We are to flee sexual immorality because our bodies belong to God. Such behavior is incompatible with life in the Spirit.
• Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” We are to uphold the sacredness of sex within marriage.

implications for today

God designed sex to be a joyful and intimate expression of love within the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. Scripture clearly prohibits sex outside of marriage, including acts like adultery, fornication, and bestiality. While the Bible does not specifically address every sexual act within marriage—such as certain positions, oral sex, or the use of sex toys—it does provide principles to guide couples: love must be mutual, not forced, and centered on respect and unity (1 Corinthians 13:5; Ephesians 5:25–33). When Scripture is silent, the guiding rule is that no act should violate the conscience, dignity, or comfort of one’s spouse (1 Corinthians 10:23–24).

The focus of sexual intimacy must remain on one another, which excludes pornography and sexual fantasy involving others. Jesus warned that lusting after someone else is equivalent to committing adultery in the heart. Sexual selfishness, domination, or coercion has no place in a Christian marriage; rather, both spouses are called to honor one another with love, sacrifice, and compromise (Ephesians 5:21, 33).

In determining what is sexually allowed between a Christian couple, they should seek to honor God, love one another selflessly, and uphold the covenant of marriage with mutual respect. Every act should be done in love, free from coercion, shame, or selfishness. If either spouse feels uncomfortable or convicted, the couple should communicate openly, pray together, and seek wisdom from Scripture. Their goal should not be to push boundaries but to deepen intimacy in a way that reflects God’s design for unity, purity, and joy in marriage and that expresses care and love for the other.

In its purest form, marital sex reflects God’s design that “the two shall become one flesh” . It is both physical and spiritual, a gift that expresses love, trust, and deep unity. Anything that distorts, devalues, or manipulates that sacred union is outside of God’s intent. While sex is meant to be pleasurable, it is also to be deeply respectful—an act that celebrates covenant love and God's goodness.