What are biblical steps to restore a marriage?

TL;DR:

Restoring a marriage begins by remembering God’s design for a lifelong covenant and seeking His help to love, forgive, and communicate with humility. Through prayer, grace, and a willingness to change, couples can rebuild trust and find healing that reflects Christ’s love.

what does the bible say?

Getting to a place where a marriage seems irreparable is hard, but God can heal, restore, and redeem any broken or struggling marriage. Restoring a marriage requires intentionally returning to God’s original design for a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman, one rooted in love, faithfulness, and unity (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6). It begins with acknowledging differences in personality, upbringing, and expectations, and approaching these differences with grace and humility (Matthew 5:23-26). Forgiveness is central, allowing couples to let go of past hurts and inaccurate perceptions that can fuel resentment (Matthew 18:21-22). Communication must be intentional, patient, and gentle, emphasizing active listening and understanding rather than defensiveness (James 1:19). Marriage is also a spiritual battleground (Ephesians 6:12), so couples are called to pray together, remain united in purpose, and rely on God to guide their hearts. Finally, a thriving marriage depends on each spouse abiding in Christ individually, drawing love, patience, and wisdom from Him so they can love each other sacrificially and build a relationship that mirrors the covenantal love of Christ for the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 John 4:7-12). Restoring a marriage is not merely about fixing behaviors but about transforming hearts and refocusing the marriage on God’s purposes and goodness for intimacy, companionship, and spiritual growth.

from the old testament

God created marriage to unite a man and a woman in a lifelong covenant of love, companionship, and faithfulness, reflecting His own covenant with His people (Genesis 2:24; Jeremiah 3:14; Hosea 2:19-20)). Marriage is the sacred context for intimacy and the blessing of children (Genesis 1:28), and provides mutual support and spiritual growth. In the Old Testament, marriage was a living picture of God’s covenant with His people (Isaiah 54:5).
God created marriage, and He can restore it, but sometimes He uses other people to help. It is important when having marital difficulties to seek trusted advice from others (Proverbs 15:22). Find a pastor or other Christian mentor or counselor.

from the new testament

When there is marital conflict, we must remember what marriage is a lifetime union (Matthew 19:5).
To work toward restoration, we must also acknowledge and recognize our differences—then have the grace to consider when we might be wrong (Matthew 5:23-26).
Jesus told Peter that when someone repents, we must forgive that person no matter how many times he or she has wronged us: “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4).
Restoring a marriage involves communicating gently and listening thoughtfully, without defensiveness (James 1:19).
Marriage can become a battleground of spiritual warfare (Ephesians 6:12) as Satan tries to disrupt God’s good design for us. The enemy likes divorce and discord, and he is not passive. Communication and prayer go a long way in shutting this down. If we are humble enough to lower our defenses and work with our spouse, it will restore our marriage and protect our family. If we shore up our personal defenses, we'll leave the relationship open for spiritual attack.

implications for today

Lift up a rock, and you’ll see bugs scatter. Probe a bad marriage, and you’ll uncover years of hurt, cruel words, misunderstandings, and quite possibly, a lifetime of differences in personality and upbringing. But unlike the bugs under the rock, the problems within a marriage need to be considered closely. Assuming no drug use, adultery, and/or abuse that require immediate intervention, married couples can help their relationship by acknowledging and showing grace about differences, forgiving one another, listening, and even getting wise counsel from a pastor or other trustworthy Christian counselor.

The most important part of working toward restoration, though, is something too few couples consider: Each spouse’s relationship with God. First John is an entire book dedicated to the result of a personal relationship with Jesus, which is loving others. We can't love others sacrificially if we don't get that love from God. We can't be filled with God's love if we neither know Him nor obey Him. Abide in Christ and He will equip you to love, forgive, listen, pray, and fight for your spouse. If you don’t pray with your spouse, find time to do that. Study the Bible together. We can't "fix" our spouse, but we can draw closer to the Lord, which allows Jesus to fix us and our marriage.

understand

Restoring a marriage begins with remembering and refocusing on God’s design and gift of marriage.
Forgiveness, grace, and humble communication are essential for restoration.
Recognizing one’s blind spots, humility, and abiding in Christ helps us as we seek restoration.

reflect

How are you actively seeking God’s guidance to love and forgive your spouse in areas of hurt or misunderstanding?
How could humility and grace change how you respond to your spouse’s differences or shortcomings?
How are you nurturing your personal relationship with Christ to strengthen your ability to restore your marriage?

engage

What role do forgiveness and humility play in restoring marital relationships?
How can we support couples who are seeking restoration in their marriages?
How can our understanding of marriage as a covenant guide our actions when conflicts arise?