Can / should a Christian marry a person who is not a virgin?

from the old testament

• According to the Bible, a godly marriage is characterized by a relationship between one man and one woman in which there is no sexual immorality. In Genesis 2:24 God declares, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." God intends for sex to be within marriage and for men and women to remain virgins until they get married.

from the new testament

• The apostle Paul encourages us to not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). This means that we should not marry unbelievers because they do not share our same values and cannot understand our relationship with God. While the Bible does say we should marry another believer, it does not specifically advise us against marrying a believer who is not a virgin. This is because we are all born into sin; therefore, we have all sinned and are all in need of forgiveness.

implications for today

Although God created sex to be enjoyed and cultivated within marriage, we live in a fallen world and our human natures are sinful. Some people have sex outside of marriage before they become a follower of Christ or meet their future spouse. Sometimes Christians fall into sexual sin as well and lose their virginity prior to marriage.

Even if a future spouse has a history of sexual sin, this does not disqualify them from marriage or from being a godly partner. What matters most is their current faith, repentance, and commitment to live according to God’s ways. Past mistakes should be seen through the lens of God’s grace, recognizing that He forgives and transforms all who trust in Him. Because we have been forgiven for our sins, we, too, are called to forgive others, including our spouse for their past mistakes, seeing them from God’s perspective. Rather than focusing on past failures, we should focus on the character, integrity, and spiritual maturity of the person today, and how they seek to honor God in their life.

For some people it would be really hard to marry a non-virgin, and that is a legitimate personal conviction. In such cases, it is important to prayerfully discern whether God is calling you to extend grace and trust Him to work in your heart, or whether He is guiding you to marry someone else. Open, honest communication about boundaries, expectations, and emotional healing is essential to building a healthy, Christ-centered marriage.

It is important that we seek wisdom regarding who to marry. First, we must recognize that we are called to marry believers, those who have trusted in Jesus for the forgiveness of sins. We should also pray for God’s guidance and wisdom in the decision of whom we should marry, seeking counsel as well. A potential spouse should exemplify God’s character and help us grow closer to Him. As we seek God’s wisdom for who to marry and we evaluate our potential spouse regarding their character and walk with God, we can make a decision that honors God, builds a strong foundation for marriage, and allows both people to grow spiritually together, navigating life as a unified, Christ-centered team.