How will I know when I’ve found the right spouse for me?

TL;DR:

You’ll know you’ve found the right spouse when you both share a deep faith in Christ and you see godly character growing in his or her life. Finding the right spouse is less about perfect feelings and more about building a relationship rooted in love, wisdom, and a shared commitment to serve God.

what does the bible say?

The Bible teaches that a good spouse is a blessing (Proverbs 18:22). Knowing if you’ve found the right spouse is less about feelings and more about shared faith and spiritual growth (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). God calls us to seek a partner who walks closely with Him and reflects Christlike character (Galatians 5:22-23). Scripture expresses the roles of husbands and wives, so when choosing a spouse, we should look for one who believes in and is ready to honor his or her role (Ephesians 5:22-33). Our focus should be on the person’s character rather than superficial factors, like wealth or status. A good biblical example is Boaz and Ruth. Boaz admired Ruth for her loyalty and kindness (Ruth 3:10-11). Rather than waiting for a perfect match, we should focus on growing ourselves and discerning if we can honor God more fully with the potential spouse. We should also pray for wisdom in finding a spouse (James 1:5). Wise counsel, prayer, and obedience to Scripture guide us in this journey. Ultimately, the right spouse is one with whom we can build a God-centered marriage rooted in love, service, and mutual growth.

from the old testament

A godly spouse is a blessing from God, not just a personal choice. Seek His guidance and favor, not just feelings (Proverbs 18:22).
Proverbs 31:10-12 calls us to look for character, trustworthiness, and devotion, not just outward appeal.
God designed marriage to be a complementary partnership (Genesis 2:18-24). A “fit” helper reflects spiritual, emotional, and practical compatibility.
Boaz identified Ruth as a woman of noble character (Ruth 3:10-11). Character and integrity are more important than status or wealth in choosing a spouse.

from the new testament

God's Word tells us not to marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). The right spouse will share your faith in Christ. Spiritual unity is essential for a thriving, God-honoring marriage. We should marry a person who clearly exhibits a Christian life.
You should take the time to really understand the person you are preparing to make a life-long commitment with in marriage. How do they treat their parents, friends, new acquaintances, co-workers, and their boss? How do they behave when they are sad, angry, joyful, or confused? Who are their friends and who were their friends? We are greatly influenced by those we spend time with (1 Corinthians 15:33).
A potential spouse who displays the fruit of the Spirit shows evidence of spiritual maturity (Galatians 5:22-23).
Ephesians 5:22-33 outlines God’s vision for marriage, where love, respect, and self-sacrifice reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church.
When in doubt, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). Discernment in relationships is a spiritual process, not just a romantic one.

implications for today

In a world that often tells us to follow our heart or wait for a magical feeling to know if someone is "the one," God invites us to pursue something deeper—wisdom, faith, and character. As we seek a spouse, we’re not just looking for compatibility or attraction but someone who shares our commitment to Christ and whose life bears spiritual fruit. That means we must first examine our own hearts: Are we growing in Christlikeness, walking in the Spirit, and becoming the kind of person we hope to marry? If we’re grounded in Scripture and prayer, God will lead us not by writing names in the sky but by shaping our desires to align with His.

Finding the right person is less about waiting for a perfect match and more about walking in obedience. When two believers pursue Christ together with mutual love, wisdom, and selflessness, they can build a marriage that honors God—even if they aren’t “perfectly compatible” by the world’s standards. Rather than asking, “Is this the one?” we should ask, “Can we serve Christ better together than apart?” That shift in perspective allows us to approach relationships with trust, peace, and purpose. If we remain in God’s Word, pray for discernment, and surround ourselves with wise counsel, He will faithfully guide our steps—even into marriage.

understand

You will know that you have found the right spouse if he or she shares your faith and is growing in Christ.
In finding the right spouse, look for someone of godly character who desires to produce fruit for God’s kingdom.
The right relationship reflects mutual love, peace, and biblical wisdom.

reflect

How are you growing in your own faith and Christlike character as you seek a spouse?
What qualities do you look for when considering a potential spouse?
What key indicators can you identify to help determine if someone is the right spouse for you?

engage

What role does wise counsel and prayer play in making decisions about choosing a life partner?
Why is it important to observe a person’s character in different situations when getting to know someone?
How can we help others discern whether their relationship encourages both of them to live for God more fully together?