I married an unbelieving spouse. What should I do?

TL;DR:

A believer who has married an unbeliever has a high calling of staying in the marriage, unless there is infidelity or abandonment. Staying married to an unbelieving spouse provides opportunity to reflect God and have a godly influence on him or her.

what does the bible say?

The Bible indicates that marriage between believers and unbelievers should be avoided, but if such a marriage does occur, the solution is not divorce. Even in the Old Testament, God had warned the Israelites not to intermarry with pagan nations because these unbelievers would turn His people from worshiping Him (Deuteronomy 7:3-4). Though those civil components of the Mosaic Law do not apply to the church age, the principle of not being “unequally yoked” is still in place (1 Corinthians 6:14).

But if a believer does marry an unbeliever, the Bible indicates that such unequal pairings are not biblical grounds for divorce, except in cases where the unbeliever abandons the marriage (1 Corinthians 7:12–16). In fact, throughout the Bible, God upholds that marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman for a lifetime (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-8). This includes a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever. Though Old Testament Mosaic Law allowed for divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), that was God’s concession because of the hardness of His people’s hearts (Matthew 19:8). God makes it clear that He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).

from the old testament

Because of the hardness of His people’s hearts, God allowed a man to divorce his wife (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). But that wasn’t God’s ideal for us (Genesis 2:24). God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).
Marrying an unbeliever carries the risk that the unbelieving spouse might turn the believing spouse and/or the couple's children away from God. That's why God warned the Israelites against intermarrying with those from pagan nations (Deuteronomy 7:3-4).

from the new testament

Jesus reaffirmed God's view of divorce in His conversation with the Pharisees. He made it clear that God only allowed divorce under Mosaic Law because of the people’s hard hearts “but from the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:4-8). Many people marry before they become believers and later realize they married unwisely. But that isn’t grounds for divorce.
Paul indicated that God wants those in such marriages to stay married (1 Corinthians 7:12–16). He rhetorically asks, “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:16). But if the unbelieving spouse leaves, the believing spouse is not obligated to the marriage (1 Corinthians 7:15).
This is why it’s so important for single Christians to consider only another believer as a potential spouse. Paul wrote, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

implications for today

“Contagious” isn’t good when it comes to viruses, yawns, and bad Internet memes. But it’s beneficial when it comes to godliness. A believer married to an unbeliever should, ideally, be contagious in godliness.

Being a contagious believer to an unbelieving spouse doesn’t have to mean nagging him or her about going to church. But it does mean exemplifying the type of spouse that God lays out for us in Scripture (Ephesians 5:22-33). Our honesty, uprightness, kindness, and persistence in Christ may be God’s way of bringing our spouse to Him.

Marriage is hard. It is worth it, but it is hard. Marriage to an unbeliever is even harder. Spouses may butt heads about everything from entertainment choices to which school the kids should attend. In a culture that considers the marriage bond just a little more binding than a streaming service subscription, divorce may seem to be the right answer—until you open God’s Word.

In God's Word we are encouraged to live faithfully for God and continue in His steadfast love even when it is hard. Living for Him, we can trust that God works through consistent obedience and faithfulness. So stay committed. Pray fervently. Love sacrificially. And live so faithfully before God that your life becomes a steady testimony to His transforming grace.

understand

God calls us to marry believers.
Christians who are married to unbelievers are called to stay married, except in cases of infidelity or abandonment.
A Christian should stay married to an unbeliever so he or she can have a godly influence on the unbelieving spouse.

reflect

How do you understand the importance of marrying believers?
If married to an unbeliever, how are you seeking to intentionally reflect Christ’s love and character to your unbelieving spouse?
When marriage feels especially difficult, how do you guard your heart against resentment and instead choose faithfulness?

engage

How can believers balance being a godly influence in their home without compromising biblical convictions?
How can we support believers who are married to unbelieving spouses?
Why does Scripture uphold lifelong marriage—even in spiritually mixed marriages—and what does that reveal about God’s character and covenant faithfulness?