What is some advice for making marriage last?

from the old testament

• Remembering the tender beauty in which Adam called Eve, “…bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” can help spouses treat one another in godly ways that create a lasting bond (Genesis 2: 21-23). God delights in marriage and companionship, and believers are often better equipped to serve the Lord together (Proverbs 18:22, Ecclesiastes 4:9–12).
• “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Each marriage creates a new family unit of the husband and wife that should operate independently from, while still honoring, their former families, making decisions and creating a life as a new separate family.
• God desires that we each marry a fellow believer which is one of the first steps toward a strong marriage. Marrying a fellow Christian means that we can work together to read Scripture in order to know and follow God’s commands, and ultimately glorify Him together (Genesis 24:4, Genesis 26:34–35, Genesis 28:1–2, Numbers 36:6–9, Deuteronomy 7:1–4, 1 Kings 11:1–8).
• In Genesis 25:21, we see that Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife because she was barren; the Lord granted his prayer, and Rebekah conceived. God does not always answer our prayers the way we think He should, as in this example, but strong marriages consist of spouses who pray for each other daily.
• God designed marriage to be between one man and one woman, and monogamy and fidelity are key to a strong, long-lasting marriage. In the Old Testament, there are many examples of men taking more than one wife and the devastation, disaster, and despair it brings (Exodus 20:14, Exodus 20:17, Leviticus 20:10, Numbers 5:11-31, Deuteronomy 22:22, Proverbs 5:15–23, Proverbs 6:20–35. Proverbs 23:27–28, Malachi 2:14–16).
• While it is not guaranteed, married couples who meditate on and walk in the way of the Lord are more likely to have long-lasting, more prosperous marriages (Psalm 119:105, Psalm 128, Proverbs 31:10–31).
• A spouse’s character shapes the emotional climate of the home and long patterns of contentiousness can cause marital rifts. A spouse’s integrity strengthens and beautifies the other while a husband or wife’s folly or unfaithfulness can quietly destroy the other. The way spouses conduct themselves in marriage is not neutral; it is either a crown or corrosion. It is vital to marry someone with a wise demeanor as marriage often magnifies who we are, either for good or bad (Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 19:13–14, 21:9, Proverbs 21:19, Proverbs 24:3, Proverbs 25:24, Proverbs 27:15–16).
• A marriage without love or emotional health becomes unstable. This is evident in the union of Jacob and Leah. A spouse who feels unloved can carry deep wounds and resentment. It is important to seek counsel in a marriage when sacrificial love is not modeled (Genesis 29:31-35, Proverbs 30:21–23).
• God-designed marital love emphasizes romantic attraction, marital affection, and the beauty of the marriage bed. God points couples to mutual desire and delight and promotes faithfulness and emotional intimacy which is key to long lasting marriage (Ecclesiastes 9:9, Song of Solomon has many examples of desire and delight in a marriage relationship. ).

from the new testament

• The key to starting off well in a marriage so that it will be lasting and strong is to marry a fellow believer: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
• The Bible contains fantastic advice on how to love one another well to establish deep roots of tender care for a long-lasting marriage: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7). (Galatians 5:13–26, Colossians 3:12-17, 1 Peter 4:8, 1 John 4:7–12, Romans 12:10, James 1:19-21).
• Long-lasting, loving marriages often include spouses studying Scripture and praying together. This incorporates expressing thankfulness for specific provisions from God, repenting of sin, and humble petitions to God for His will in their lives (Matthew 4:4, Romans 10:17, 2 Timothy 3:16–17, Hebrews 4:12, Colossians 4:2, 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18, James 5:13-18).
• God created marriage to be a special bond between one man and one woman only. An important key to a long-lasting marriage is monogamy, which includes not lusting after another person or being intimately emotionally involved with anyone but your spouse (Matthew 5:27–30, Matthew 19:3–12, Mark 10:2-12, Romans 13:9–10, 1 Corinthians 6:15–20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3–8, Hebrews 13:4).
• Marriage involves a mutual, intimate giving of oneself. Paul teaches that marital intimacy is a God‑given gift meant to be shared generously, mutually, and lovingly and never withheld as punishment, never treated casually, and always approached with unity and honor. Husbands and wives belong to one another in a loving and covenantal partnership. In a culture where men held nearly all authority, the apostle Paul’s insistence on mutual care and equality in marital intimacy was revolutionary. Paul allows for a brief pause in intimacy if both spouses agree and if it’s for a spiritual purpose, such as prayer, but he warns against prolonged abstinence because it can create unnecessary strain on the relationship (1 Corinthians 7:1–5, Matthew 19:4–6, Ephesians 5:31).
• Operating according to God’s will that marriage is special and binding in all but extenuating circumstances can create stability and the willingness of both spouses to seek wise Biblical counsel when they run into marital issues (Luke 16:18, Romans 7:1–3, Mark 10:6–9, 1 Corinthians 7:10–11, Proverbs 11:14, Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 15:22, Proverbs 19:20, Matthew 18:15–16).
• God’s design for marriage includes an ordered household of love where a husband lovingly leads his home with Christlike authority. Wives and husbands have equal worth, but distinct roles within the home. Biblical headship is loving, self-giving, and Christlike, not authoritarian. Husbands are called to lead in a way that reflects Christ’s sacrificial love. Husbands are to love their wives as they love their own bodies. Husbands and wives who learn to do this can cultivate a lasting, strong, loving marriage (1 Corinthians 11:3, 1 Corinthians 11:8-12, Ephesians 5:21–33, Colossians 3:18–19, Titus 2:1-8, 1 Peter 3:1–7).
• Spouses in stable marriages honor their parents while also embracing God’s design that husband and wife form a new family unit, making decisions based on what their new household needs in order to follow God’s commands and bring Him glory. (Ephesians 5:31-33, Matthew 19:4–6, Mark 10:6–9).

implications for today

Long-lasting, loving marriages involve both the husband and the wife committing themselves to an obedient, close, growing relationship with God and to a selfless, caring, committed relationship with each other. Couples in strong, healthy marriages often pray together. Pray for your marriage and for your own heart to be malleable to God's guidance. Couples with a stable, unified partnership study God’s word, as the Bible offers married people much advice, including how to love each other well (Colossians 3:12-17). When both spouses seek God and are willing to humbly serve one another, a marriage can flourish and last.

Marriages flourish when couples serve God together to spread the Gospel through teaching others biblical principles and serving at church and in the community. This example can be seen in the robust God-honoring ministry of Priscilla and Aquila (Acts 18:24-28, Romans 16:3–5, 1 Corinthians 16:19).

Marriages thrive when spouses spend time together, express love and admiration, serve one another, show kindness and forgiveness, and liberally demonstrate love in the way the other best receives it. God instituted "oneness" in the first marriage between Adam and Eve. He said they became "one flesh" (Genesis 2:23–24). This means more than physical bonding; it includes oneness of mind and purpose to glorify God. Ephesians 5 tells married people to selflessly serve one another. The husband should follow God and love, honor, and protect his wife (Ephesians 5:25–33) and the wife should follow God and submit to her husband (Ephesians 5:22–24, 33).

All couples face seasons of difficult times; it is vital to communicate clearly, avoid manipulation or threats, and stay committed to resolving conflict together. Wise couples seek help when needed from a pastor, a godly mature couple, or a Christian counselor (Proverbs 12:15; 19:20). We each need to remain committed to our marriage and willing to work toward healing and restoration. Much of the selflessness God calls us to can be found in solid, long-lasting, loving marriages. A Christian marriage is often set apart because both husband and wife anchor their commitment to each other in the vows they made before God and in their walk with Him.