How should Christians discipline their children?

from the old testament

• The psalmist describes children as "a heritage from the Lord" (Psalm 127:3) and parents' responsibility to discipline them. Proverbs teaches that such discipline should be done in love (Proverbs 3:11-12, 13:24) for the children's benefit (Proverbs 19:18, 22:6, 15, 29:15).
• Discipline should include spiritual training. In the Mosaic Law, God commanded His people to make His word a central part of family life (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).
• Scripture shows the negative impact of failing to discipline one's children. Eli's failure to discipline his two sons, Phineas and Hophni, caused the end of his family line (1 Samuel 3:13). David's laxness toward his sons resulted in numerous tragic consequences (2 Samuel 13–18; 1 Kings 1:5–6).

from the new testament

• The writer of Hebrews compares parental discipline to Godly discipline, showing that the goal of both is for the good of the one being chastened: "Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness" (Hebrews 12:9-10)
• Though correction isn't pleasant, parental discipline should be loving, not harsh. Paul cautions fathers not to "provoke" their children (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21).

implications for today

"Spoiling" is bad for milk, book plots, but especially children. Though that word is often said today with a head shake and an indulgent smile, withholding proper discipline of children is no laughing matter. Giving in is easy. Loving kids enough to discipline them is harder.

But new parents may wonder, "What are the rules? They didn't come with a manual! Should I buy them that expensive video game for Christmas? How long do I need to punish them for not doing their chores? (Should they have chores?)." The Bible doesn't answer those questions, but it does provide foundational wisdom that helps parents come to the right answers.

The Bible shows that discipline is not about controlling children—it is about preparing hearts for life. Any parent can give in to tantrums, buy another distraction, or avoid hard conversations, but real love is willing to do the harder work of shaping character, teaching wisdom, and setting boundaries that help children grow in Christlikeness. Godly parenting looks beyond what keeps children temporarily happy and asks what will help them in the long run. It looks at who they will become as adults. And truly, when look at it this way, discipline is discipleship.

So when you struggle to know how to discipline your children, remember that the goal is bigger than stopping bad behavior—it is helping shape a heart that follows Christ. Every boundary, consequence, hard conversation, and act of grace becomes an opportunity to point them toward the character God desires to form in them. Parenting is not just about raising well-behaved kids but about preparing future adults to walk faithfully with God tomorrow.

The underlying principle of discipline should be to teach children to love, respect, and honor God in all of their lives. With that as the basis and God as the source, the details will fall into place—He will provide you with what you need as you seek Him.