How does a person grieve or quench the Holy Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19; Ephesians 4:30)?

TL;DR:

A believer grieves or quenches the Holy Spirit when they behave in a way that stifles the work of the Spirit of God. Believers are called to walk by the Spirit, not to live in a way that grieves or quenches the Holy Spirit’s work in their lives.

what does the bible say?

“Quenching” and “grieving” the Spirit are similar. In 1 Thessalonians 5:19, Paul uses the same word related to "quenching" or "putting out" a fire (Mark 9:44). In the context of that letter, Paul was encouraging believers to live holy lives according to God's Spirit. They were not to stop doing what they had been instructed to do. They were not to lead a lifestyle that would quench, or put out the fire, of God's Spirit at work among them. Similarly, in Ephesians 4:30, Paul’s instruction not to "grieve the Holy Spirit of God” meant to avoid acting in ways that would be contrary to the desires of or painful to the Spirit. Unlike in Old Testament times, believers today cannot lose the indwelling of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13), but we can quench or grieve it. Both occur when a believer sins, places self above God and others, or lives like someone without Christ.

from the old testament

First Samuel 10:10 says of Saul, “the Spirit of God rushed upon him, and he prophesied among them.” Later, though, Saul disobeyed God, and God sent Samuel to anoint David as king in Saul’s place. First Samuel 16:14 indicates that “the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul.” When God’s Spirit came upon those before Christ, it was not a permanent indwelling, as it has been since Christ. Since the New Testament, we can grieve or quench the Holy Spirit, but we cannot lose it like Old Testament figures did.
Judges 16 relates the story of Samson, a judge of Israel whose extraordinary strength was due to God’s Spirit (Judges 14:6, 19; 15:14). Samson’s long hair, the sign of his Nazirite vow to God, symbolized the source of his strength. His power actually came from God, though. When his hair was cut, he lost his strength, not merely because of his shorter hair, but because “the LORD had left him” (Judges 16:20). This is, again, a sign that Old Testament figures could act in ways that caused God’s Spirit to depart from them.

from the new testament

First Thessalonians 5:19 says, "Do not quench the Spirit." This verse encourages believers not to suppress or hinder the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. "Quenching" refers to stifling or extinguishing the Spirit's influence and guidance.
Ephesians 4:30 states, "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." This verse warns against actions or attitudes that cause sorrow or distress to the Holy Spirit. "Grieving" the Spirit involves behaving in ways that go against the Spirit’s work in our lives, like engaging in sin or disobedience. As believers, we will sin, but continued sin stifles the work of the Holy Spirit because we are repeatedly choosing our way instead of God’s way.
Galatians 5 admonishes believers to “walk by the Spirit” and sets up a contrast between the sinful “desires of the flesh,” which “are against the Spirit,” and the “fruit of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:16, 17, 22). The passage implies that living in sinfulness is a rebellion against the Spirit.
James emphasizes obedience to the spirit when he indicates that God “yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us” (James 4:5). The word “jealously” in this verse suggests that we are called to obey God’s Spirit, what “he has made to dwell in us.”
Hebrews 10:26–31 speaks of believers who fall into a sinful lifestyle and have “outraged the Spirit of grace.” This shows that even those who are indwelled with the Holy Spirit–i.e., believers—can outrage the Spirit by living in sin.

implications for today

God desires believers to live differently from their lives before coming to faith in Christ (John 3:5). Our love of God is manifested in how we live after the Holy Spirit indwells us (1 John 5:3). Prior to our faith in Christ, we may have used coarse language or consumed unwholesome entertainment. After giving our lives to Christ, we put that behavior away, as we know it would not be pleasing to our Lord. And we can do this because God’s Spirit equips us to fulfill His commands and do what pleases Him. If we rebel against that, we stifle the fire within us. An example would be if we rarely show interest in learning more about God through His Word, or we seldom share the gospel. These are examples of us quenching the Holy Spirit by purposefully stifling what we have been equipped to do. We can also grieve the Spirit by falling into sinful practices from our former life, before we were saved by faith. Though all of us have a sinful nature, with the Holy Spirit within us, we are no longer slaves to it (Romans 6:16). All believers should be conscious of being new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17) to avoid quenching or grieving the Spirit of God who lives within us.

understand

Grieving or quenching is suppressing or hindering the Spirit’s influence in a believer’s life.
Engaging in behaviors that cause sorrow to the Spirit grieves or quenches the Holy Spirit.
Believers can avoid grieving or quenching the Holy Spirit by aligning with God’s ways and putting off the flesh.

reflect

What are some specific behaviors or attitudes in your life that might be quenching or grieving the Holy Spirit?
How can you actively nurture your relationship with the Holy Spirit to prevent grieving or quenching Him?
What can you do if you have grieved or quenched the Holy Spirit to return to walking by the Spirit (see Galatians 5)?

engage

Some signs of grieving or quenching the Holy Spirit include feeling persistent guilt or discomfort about specific behaviors, feeling ambivalent or uninterested in spiritual things, experiencing stagnation in spiritual growth, or consistently resisting the Spirit’s guidance. Persistent sin, lack of peace and joy, and ignoring the Spirit’s promptings can also indicate that you may be grieving or quenching the Holy Spirit. When we experience these things, it’s not because He has moved or left you, but because you have distanced yourself. Repent and again walk by the Spirit; He will never leave you and calls you to come back to Him!
Believers are sealed with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13). How can we encourage other believers to return to God, being assured that the Holy Spirit is a guarantee of our salvation?
How can we encourage others to walk by the Spirit instead of grieving or quenching Him?