How can I know if someone is "the one"?

from the old testament

• The Bible does not refer to finding a spouse as finding "the one," as if there is only one right person out in the world for you. However, the Bible gives wisdom for discerning a God-honoring marriage partner. Instead of focusing on finding a predestined person, Scripture focuses us on becoming the right kind of person and choosing wisely within God’s revealed will. For example, God emphasizes integrity, wisdom, and faithfulness in describing the excellent wife (Proverbs 31:10–30).
  
• Israel was warned not to be unequally yoked with those who would pull them toward false gods (Deuteronomy 7:3–4). The priority was spiritual direction—shared worship of the true God. The emphasis was never on finding the one perfect person.
  
• The Song of Solomon celebrates romantic love as real, passionate, and joyful, but it does not frame love as the discovery of a single predestined person. Instead, it portrays love as something that develops, deepens, and is intentionally chosen and protected over time (Song of Solomon 2:16; 3:4; 8:6–7). Godly love is cultivated through faithful commitment and pursuit within God’s design.
• Marriage is shaped by covenant faithfulness. Two people committed to each other can make a marriage work and last. The key is not finding "the one" but embodying loyalty, commitment, and steadfast love (Malachi 2:14–15).

from the new testament

• Believers are still called to not be “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14), meaning shared faith in Christ is foundational for a marriage. The most important compatibility is spiritual direction, not personality alignment, attraction, or anything else.
  
• "The one" will show signs of the fruit of the Spirit—love, patience, kindness, self-control (Galatians 5:22–23).
• Believers are encouraged to seek wise counsel and clarity from mature Christians (Proverbs 15:22; Hebrews 13:17). Finding a spouse involves accountability for your character and wisdom and discernment for knowing if a person is truly a believer and a good fit for you.
• The ultimate picture of marriage is sacrificial love and covenant faithfulness (Ephesians 5:25–33). So instead of asking, “Are they perfect for me?” you should ask, “Can we pursue Christ together faithfully?”

implications for today

Marriage isn't about finding "the one." Most people have a highly unrealistic view of marriage, often shaped by movies and media that wrongly suggest love should sweep you off your feet, be effortless, and be about finding the perfect person for you. But Scripture consistently pushes us away from the idea of “finding your perfect person” and toward becoming the right kind of person who will commit to another in godly, covenantal faithfulness. In finding a spouse, we must seek God's priorities: Is the person a believer? Are they actively pursuing the Lord? Are they the kind of person who helps me to grow? How do they handle conflict? Do they pursue God when no one is watching? Are they teachable, humble, and growing, or only impressive when things are easy? And just as importantly, am I becoming someone who reflects Christ in the way I will one day love and serve a spouse?

Along with all that, we need to understand that there is no "the one." Some people are better fits or choices as a spouse than others, but there is no single person we are meant to find in the world to marry. Once we have established that a person's relationship with God and their character meet God's qualifications, as those things are most important, there are other qualifications we can seek: Am I attracted to this person? Do I enjoy this person and their personality? How do I experience this person one-on-one or in a group? What do my family and friends think about this person? What insight do they have into how this person impacts me? If we are able to ask these questions and spend time discerning their answers, we should.

Above all, love is not about finding the "perfect person" but about cultivating, guarding, and deepening love over time through commitment, patience, and intentional faithfulness. A godly relationship is not built on finding someone who completes you but on two people learning to follow Christ together.