Can we choose who we show love to?

TL;DR:

God calls us to choose love intentionally, not just for those we like but for everyone. Loving others is an active decision that reflects God’s character and points the world to Him.

Love is a deliberate choice, not just a feeling. God so loved us that He came and died for us so we can be freed from the bondage of sin and made right with God. Those who have trusted in Him for the forgiveness of sins have experienced His love and are transformed by it. Because of this, believers are called to show love to everyone, not only those we like or who love us back (Leviticus 19:18; Matthew 5:44). Both the Old and New Testaments illustrate intentional love—Ruth’s care for Naomi, Jacob’s devotion to Rachel, and Jesus’ command to love even our enemies (Ruth 1:16; Genesis 29:18; Luke 6:27–28).

Love is expressed through actions like patience, kindness, protection, and perseverance, reflecting God’s character and pointing others to Him (1 Corinthians 13:4–7; John 13:34–35). Loving others does not mean excusing wrongdoing but acting for another’s good. This might look like praying for and guiding those who hurt us (Romans 12:20–21). It might look like doing kind things for them. God’s love for us empowers us through His Spirit to choose love this way, following His grace and forgiveness as the example for how we should love others (1 Peter 3:9; Titus 2:11). When we choose to love, even in difficult circumstances, we reflect God’s heart to a world that desperately needs His love and truth.

from the old testament

God commands His people to love others, including neighbors, not just family or friends (Leviticus 19:18; Deuteronomy 6:5).
God commanded the Israelites to intentionally love outsiders, not just those in the covenant (Leviticus 19:34).
Deuteronomy 10:9 is another call to love the sojourner, remembering that the Israelites were also sojourners in Egypt. Love is a deliberate choice toward all, not just those we love or who love us back.
Ruth intentionally committed to care for Naomi (Ruth 1:16), and Jacob chose to love Rachel (Genesis 29:18).
Proverbs 3:3 tells us to “let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” We are to love at all times.

from the new testament

Jesus taught that we are to love intentionally, even those who are difficult or hostile (Matthew 5:44; Matthew 22:37–39).
Paul described love as deliberate actions—patience, kindness, protection, and perseverance (1 Corinthians 13:4–7). Love is something we choose to express.
Believers are called to model love like Christ to all, meaning we actively choose to show love to others (John 13:34–35).
Luke 6:27–28 calls us to, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Believers are called to love all, including their enemies.
Loving others is a command and should be part of our nature as those who have been saved (Romans 12:9–10). It is to be intentional and requires conscious effort.
Galatians 6:10 calls us to do good to others, especially those of the household of faith.
As believers, we are called to love differently. 1 John 3:18 tells us we are to love by deliberate action, not just words or having feelings of love.

implications for today

God’s love toward us changes everything. From the beginning God desired to bless the entire world (Genesis 12:1–3). Jesus came, fully God and fully man, lived a perfect life, and willingly gave His life so we could be forgiven and reconciled to God. He rose again conquering sin and death. He extends this love and salvation to all (1 Peter 3:9; Titus 2:11; 1 Timothy 2:3–4). How can we, who have been loved and forgiven much, determine who we will love and who we will not?

Loving others does not mean we condone everything someone does. Nor does it mean we excuse wrongdoing. Loving others means acting for the good of another at all times. That might mean praying for those who have done us wrong, speaking truth in love to guide them, or showing kindness even when it’s undeserved (Matthew 5:44; Romans 12:20–21). Doing these things changes our hearts and allows us to honor God in all we do.

Love is a choice that points others to God. It is not based on our own feelings or judgments. It requires intentionality, patience, and reliance on the Holy Spirit to act in ways that reflect God, even when it is difficult. When we live and love in this way, we reveal His heart to a world that desperately needs His love.

understand

Love is a deliberate choice, not just a feeling.
God calls us to follow His example in the way we love others, not just those we like.
God empowers us to love well.

reflect

How do you understand the call to love others, not just those you like?
In what areas of your life do you find it easiest or hardest to intentionally love others, and how can you rely on God to respond in love?
How does remembering God’s love for you change the way you decide who to love and how to love them?

engage

How can we encourage each other to love even those who are difficult to love?
What does it look like for us to choose to love others, including strangers or those we disagree with?
How does understanding that love is an intentional choice, rather than just a feeling, challenge the way we act toward others?