Can we talk to loved ones who have died?

TL;DR:

Grief may tempt us to talk to loved ones who have died, but God warns us against doing this. True comfort comes from God alone, who meets our sorrow with His presence, compassion, and hope in Christ.

Scripture doesn't provide a clear indication that the living actually can communicate with the dead, with some verses suggesting it may be possible and others implying it isn't (Ecclesiastes 9:5–6, 10; Isaiah 14:9–10; Luke 16:19-31).

But the Bible is very clear, though, that God forbids us from communicating with the dead. For one thing, talking to the dead in the form of praying to saints is a form of idolatry (Isaiah 42:8). It's also among the occult practices that God prohibited His people from doing (Deuteronomy 18:10–12; Leviticus 19:31; 20:6) on penalty of death (Leviticus 20:27). In one case, Saul spoke with the dead Samuel (1 Samuel 28). The result was that God judged him with death in battle (1 Chronicles 10:13–14).

The New Testament reaffirms the Old Testament view of communicating in the spirit realm with God alone (1 Timothy 2:5).

We can grieve loved ones but should never try to communicate with them.

from the old testament

Scripture isn't clear about whether the dead can hear the living (Ecclesiastes 9:5–6, 10; Isaiah 14:9–10).
Even if communicating with the dead is possible, Scripture forbids it. God warned the Israelites about communicating with the spiritual realm: “There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD” (Deuteronomy 18:10–12; cf. Leviticus 19:31; 20:6, 27).
Saul, who had been rebelling against God for a long time, turned to a medium to consult with the dead Samuel (1 Samuel 28:7–19). The result was that God condemned him to die in battle (1 Chronicles 10:13–14).
God prohibits us from seeking guidance or spiritual help apart from Him (Isaiah 42:8). Scripture unequivocally rejects looking to the dead for guidance, such as praying to saints.

from the new testament

The New Testament reaffirms the Old Testament teaching that all spiritual communication is to be God-centered, with Jesus as the only mediator (1 Timothy 2:5).
Luke 16:19–31 suggests that the dead may be unable to interact with the living. The deceased rich man in the account asks Abraham to warn his family, which suggests that the rich man had no direct contact with the living (Luke 16:27–31).

implications for today

Have you ever eaten the last cookie in a pack without realizing it was the last one? If you had known, you might have savored it more. Regret at the death of a loved one that we didn't "savor" our time with is that feeling times a trillion.

That feeling can drive us to a medium or to a seance to try communicating with that deceased loved one. Or we may seek to pray to them or talk to them. But as hard as it is to deal with grief, the reality is that they are no longer available. They are consciously aware (Luke 16:22–23), but God has set boundaries between life and death and between the physical and spiritual realms. We are never to cross those lines. He does this for our good, as we will only find true happiness and guidance through Him.

If you are experiencing great sadness right now, the best way through is reliance on God. Jesus experienced more suffering than we can imagine by taking on the sin of the world. He can “sympathize with our weaknesses” (Hebrews 4:15–16). He knows what your pain feels like. When you cry out to Him, you are not talking to a far-off, unfeeling deity, but the God-man who knows and has felt your pain.

Also, let other believers know about your sorrow (Romans 12:15; Galatians 6:2). Don't go it alone.

Even in mourning, we should honor God. That doesn’t mean to “be stoic” but to weep and wail in a way that glorifies Him as the Rock to which you cling.

understand

Scripture clearly forbids seeking communication with the dead and treats such attempts as rebellion against God.
The Bible doesn't teach that deceased loved ones hear the living.
Comfort for grief comes from God, not departed loved ones.

reflect

How do you bring your grief to God instead of looking for answers or comfort from those who have passed away?
In what ways can your mourning become an opportunity to deepen your reliance on Jesus and trust His presence?
What Scriptures or truths have comforted you most when you've lost a loved one?

engage

In what ways is God our comfort in grief?
What are effective ways to explain God’s boundaries between life and death to someone tempted to consult deceased loved ones without dismissing their pain?
How can we help and support those grieving so their sorrow leads them closer to Christ and the hope of resurrection rather than to unbiblical practices?