What is the line between helping someone and someone taking advantage of you?

TL;DR:

Jesus modeled godly servanthood and appropriate setting of boundaries. By following His example, and seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we can learn to help others without being taken advantage of.

what does the bible say?

The line between helping someone and being taken advantage of is defined by wisdom, accountability, and spiritual discernment. The Bible calls us to be generous and compassionate like Jesus but also to set boundaries, act justly, and avoid enabling harmful patterns. True help uplifts and equips others to grow, rather than creating ongoing dependence. Jesus served with intentionality—meeting real needs while always pointing people to deeper transformation through Him. We follow His example by helping in ways that restore dignity, promote responsibility, and lead others to lasting hope in the gospel.

from the old testament

God’s people were to reflect His compassion through generosity and active care for those in need (Deuteronomy 15:7-8).
Leviticus 19:15 calls for fair judgment, not favoring the poor or the rich. This means we are to be just in our decisions, not merely driven by emotion. This is a safeguard against others taking advantage of us.
Proverbs 6:1-5 warns about foolishly putting yourself at risk through unwise financial commitments. We are to be wise, not naïve.
Helping someone without holding them accountable can become a harmful cycle—for both them and you (Proverbs 19:19).
Proverbs 3:21-23 encourages using sound judgment and discretion, which leads to peace and safety, not being taken advantage of.

from the new testament

Luke 6:30, 35 says, "Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back…But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil." Believers are to follow Christ's example of being self-sacrificing and compassionate to those in need. However, many Christians quickly become disillusioned as they are treated as pushovers and taken advantage of by the very people they are trying to serve.
Jesus was full of compassion, but He was not a pushover. He boldly confronted sin, hypocrisy, and injustice, held firm boundaries, and prioritized truth over popularity (Matthew 23:13-33; Luke 4:28-30; John 2:14-16).
The first step to being a strong servant is wise discernment (Matthew 10:16). Prayer and the prompting of the Holy Spirit will help us know when and how to help people in need (James 1:5; Romans 8:26-27).
In order to be a strong servant, one must also be a good steward of what he has been given (Matthew 25:14-30). While we should give with willing hearts, like the widow who gave all she had to the offering (Mark 12:41-44), we should not neglect our responsibilities (1 Timothy 5:8).
Even Jesus took time to rest and be alone to pray because He knew that He had to take care of Himself so that He could serve others effectively (Luke 5:15-16).

implications for today

We serve others when we give them a "hand up" instead of a "hand out." Our help should not support laziness but rather, establish accountability. The goal should be to empower people so they can break the cycle of dependency and eventually be able to give back by helping others. We want to help equip people for the long term, not simply supply today’s needs. We must share the message of the gospel as part of the process. A person is only going to experience authentic and lasting change in how he lives through the power of God working in him, the foundation of which is a relationship with Christ. We must follow Jesus' model of serving with a willing heart and wise intentionality. Though Christ gave sight to the blind and healed the lame,His focus was on meeting them where they were spiritually and transforming their hearts. So as we serve others, our compassion must be guided by wisdom and rooted in truth. Helping someone should never be about enabling dependence but about restoring dignity and pointing them to lasting hope. Just as Jesus saw both the immediate and eternal needs of those He touched, we are called to serve in a way that uplifts, equips, and ultimately leads people to Him. When our help is paired with the hope of the gospel, we’re not just meeting a momentary need—we’re investing in eternal transformation.

understand

Biblical help includes wisdom and boundaries.
God calls us to be generous and compassionate but also to act with discernment, avoid enabling harmful behavior, and maintain accountability.
True help empowers rather than enables — Serving others should restore dignity, promote responsibility, and lead to lasting change through the power of the gospel, not create cycles of dependence.

reflect

When have you helped someone and later realized it may have enabled harmful patterns instead of promoting growth?
How do you seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance when deciding how to help someone in need?
Are there boundaries you need to set—or strengthen—to serve others more wisely and effectively like Jesus did?

engage

What are some ways we can tell the difference between godly compassion and unhealthy enabling?
How can we encourage one another in setting wise boundaries while still being generous and loving?
In what ways can serving others open doors to share the gospel, and how can we be intentional about that in our help?