What should I be looking for in a wife?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

A man seeking a wife should look first for a woman who genuinely loves and follows Jesus. The Bible highlights the value of a wise, godly, and trustworthy wife who strengthens her husband and walks in the fear of the Lord. God-loving men are called to marry a fellow believing woman who reflects Christ through spiritual maturity, respect, and inner beauty. Scripture encourages men to avoid unequally yoked relationships and to prioritize character and faith over outward appearance. While attraction—physical and otherwise—is important when looking for a wife, more important is her character and love for the Lord. Although there is no perfect wife, a faithful, Christ-centered wife is a priceless gift who will walk with you in love, purpose, and godliness.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• Genesis describes the role of a wife in marriage. God created Eve as a helper for Adam (Genesis 2:20–24). A godly wife faithfully supports and partners with her husband in serving God.
• Proverbs 18:22 and Proverbs 19:14 describes those who find a prudent, godly wife as wise. A wise, discerning wife is a gift from God.
• In Genesis 24, Abraham’s servant sought a wife for Isaac who would reflect kindness, hospitality, and faith in God. This speaks to the need to choose wisely when looking for a wife.
• Deuteronomy 7:3-4 warns Israel against marrying those who would turn their hearts away from God. While this was about keeping the covenant, it emphasizes the spiritual risks of misaligned values. We are to avoid ungodly partnerships with those who do not share our faith.
• Proverbs 31 provides many wonderful descriptions of the character of a God-honoring woman: "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life" (Proverbs 31:10-12). You should look for a woman who is trustworthy, hard-working, responsible, caring, and fears the Lord. These are women like Esther, Abigail, and Mary who were brave, wise, and strong, yet demonstrated both respect and love towards God and the men in their lives.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• We should marry someone with whom we are equally yoked, meaning another believer (2 Corinthians 6:14). When we marry another Christian, as a couple, our lives' purposes will be aligned. Marriage thrives when both spouses follow Christ and walk together in spiritual unity.
• In the book of Ephesians, Paul says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22). Wives should respect their husbands and willingly serve and love them. They should acknowledge that God has placed their husband as head of the household so that they might protect, provide for, and love their wives. A godly wife does not submit to her husband out of fear or feelings of inadequacy but rather out of respect and trust. When looking for a wife, it is important to find a woman who respects God and you, who reflects these qualities.
• 1 Peter 3:1
• –4 encourages women to cultivate: “...the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”A wise man will look for a woman who reflects Christ and pursues inner beauty more than appearance alone.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

The most important attribute a man should look for in a future wife is whether she loves and follows Jesus. Her first priority, and yours, should be God. Many women may profess to be Christians. It is crucial that you choose a woman who has not only accepted Christ as her Savior but who is also continually maturing in her faith. In addition, you should seek a wife who shares similar doctrinal beliefs, moral values, interests and goals, and political beliefs, and moral values. Together you should talk about one another's expectations regarding children, finances, and other issues you'll face as a married couple; it is important to have these conversations before you get married. You should find someone you are romantically and physically attracted to and, more importantly, who helps you to be your best. You will never find the perfect wife, but you can find a wife who faithfully serves God and will respect and love you faithfully as well.

UNDERSTAND

• A godly man should look for a wife who genuinely loves and follows Jesus.
• A godly man should seek a woman of godly character, wisdom, and inner beauty.
• A godly man should prioritize shared faith, values, and spiritual maturity when looking for a wife.

REFLECT

• What qualities in a potential spouse do you think draw you closer to Christ and help you grow in godliness?
• How does your current view of marriage align with God’s design for a husband and wife?
• What changes might you need to make in your life to pursue or prepare for or cultivate a Christ-centered marriage?

ENGAGE

• What does it look like for a wife to be spiritually mature, and how can that shape a marriage?
• How do shared values and faith influence a couple’s ability to face life’s challenges together?
• What examples of godly women in Scripture help us understand what to value when seeking a wife?