When is the right time for marriage?

Quick answer

God gives no specific timeline for when someone should marry, but there are godly character traits we should acquire and look for in a partner before entering into a lifelong covenant.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

A closely bonded relationship in any context requires considering the other person (Ecclesiastes 4:11-12), but this is especially the case for marriage. The primary instruction for men in marriage is to love their wife sacrificially as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25), and for women, it is to respect their husband (Ephesians 5:33). A couple should assess if they love and respect each other daily before they marry. Love and respect are vital in all aspects of marriage, including the sexual relationship (1 Corinthians 7:4). Both partners should also be ready to move on from dependence on their parents and fully attach themselves to their marriage partner (Ephesians 5:31). Additionally, both people should be ready to humble themselves in obedience to the Creator of marriage, and this means respecting the commitment that He intended marriage to operate in (Mark 10:9; 1 Corinthians 7:10). Marriage is a covenant that is likened to Christ’s covenant with church, and it should be honored as such (Ephesians 5:25-32).

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

It’s never the right time for marriage if one’s partner is an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Men and women should have the humility and courage to support and provide for their spouse (Ecclesiastes 4:11-12).

In Malachi, Judah’s unfaithfulness to God is discussed alongside a husband’s unfaithfulness toward his wife, which God considers breaking of a covenant He was witness to. In explaining why God refuses to accept the rote sacrifices Judah offers while they’re continuing to sin, the prophet Malachi writes, “But you say, ‘Why does he not?’ Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.”

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

God created the marriage commitment (Mark 10:9) and therefore, defines it. When two people agree to marry, they aren't setting the terms; God is. The humility to obey God’s commands over fulfilling selfish desires is a trait that is wise to look for in our partner before we enter into a lifelong covenant.

1 Corinthians 7:4 says: “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” Sexually, both the wife and husband have authority over their partner’s bodies. We should marry someone who will respect and love us for who we are as a person so that we can trust that they will treat our bodies with that same respect and love.

It may be the right time for marriage when both individuals have the maturity to make a commitment and stick to it (1 Corinthians 7:10). If they have endured times in which this maturity has been proven (especially within their relationship), that could be a good indicator of readiness for marriage.

The right time for marriage is when both the man and the woman are prepared to leave their families and join with their new spouse (Ephesians 5:31). Both the man and woman must understand that this is required for marriage. Men should love their wives sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25). If a man cannot sacrifice his wants and desires for the benefit of his potential wife, it's likely not the right time for marriage. Likewise, women should respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). If a woman doesn't respect the man she’s thinking of making her future husband, she should not marry him.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

The Bible does not give us the right time for marriage, neither an ideal age to marry nor a suggested length of engagement. However, the Bible does give specific characteristics that men and women should strive for in a healthy marriage. These characteristics should be understood and accepted before the wedding takes place. Practical matters will also influence the right time for marriage. Housing, income, and children are all important considerations. Not everything needs to be completely settled, but the couple should at least identify the major issues and how they plan on resolving them. Premarital counseling from a respected Christian counselor is often beneficial and is thought of in many Christian circles as vitally important for the success of a marriage. No one is fully "ready" for marriage, any more than we can be fully sanctified on earth. Good relationships grow and improve every year. However, the realities of married life go much more smoothly when the couple's hearts are loving and respectful (Philippians 2:3-4).

UNDERSTAND

The Bible doesn’t specify a specific age for marriage.

Scripture indicates some characteristics required in marriage, such as a partner that honors God, is sacrificially loving, and is respectful.

Potential marriage partners should be aware of the role that God requires of each of them.

REFLECT

How has the Bible’s wisdom about marriage impacted your view of relationships?

What are some traits you are looking for in a potential marriage partner?

How does God’s hatred of divorce (Malachi 2:16) and His commitment to His church impact your thinking about marriage?

ENGAGE

How does the culture’s view of marriage contrast with the Bible’s?

What are some benefits of Christian premarital counseling?

How can a church use the biblical view of marriage in gospel outreach to a world that treats marriage very differently?