What is a biblical definition of true friendship?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The Old Testament supplies us with powerful examples of true friendships. David and Jonathan were friends who displayed extraordinary examples of phileo love through their mutual loyalty, love, and respect for each other (1 Samuel 18:1-5; 1 Samuel 19:1–7; 1 Samuel 20; 2 Samuel 1:17–27; 2 Samuel 9:1–13). Daniel was a courageous man of high character who set a godly example for his young friends to follow—even if it meant risking his life to do so (Daniel 1). Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were like a “threefold cord, not quickly broken,” who chose to walk through fire together, rather than disobey God (Ecclesiastes 4:12; Daniel 3). In the book of Proverbs, we see that true friendship is identified and maintained by unconditional love, sincerity, mutually edifying words and behavior, and wisdom (Proverbs 17:17; Proverbs 27:6; Proverbs 18:24; Proverbs 27:17; Proverbs 13:20). In the New Testament, Jesus serves as the greatest example of a true friend. He washed His disciples’ feet, came to their rescue, and taught them patiently. Jesus not only laid down His life for His disciples, but He also demonstrated His agape love for the whole world through offering His life as an atoning sacrifice (Matthew 26; Matthew 27; John 3:16; John 15:12–15; Romans 5:7-8). True friends live for godliness and point their friends to God (Colossians 3:13–15; Colossians 3:16).

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• A friend “loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17).
• A caring, sincere friend will only “wound” in ways that are trustworthy—i.e., tough love (Proverbs 27:6).
• At times, a close friend may be more loyal than blood-related family (Proverbs 18:24).
• Mutual edification is a good indicator of true friendship (Proverbs 27:17).
• Sticking close to wise friends can make a positive, spiritual impact in our lives (Proverbs 13:20).
• David and King Saul’s son, Jonathan, are well-known for their true friendship. From the beginning of their acquaintance, their souls were “knit” together (1 Samuel 18:1–5), and Jonathan showed his immense respect and loyalty for David by bestowing on him great honor.
• Jonathan stood up for David to his father (1 Samuel 19:1–7).
• Jonathan risked his life for David (1 Samuel 20).
• In 2 Samuel 1:17–27, we see David’s love for Jonathan far outweighed the enmity between him and King Saul when he sorrowfully lamented both their deaths.
• David’s loyalty and deep respect for Jonathan is emphasized in 2 Samuel 9:1–13 and 21:7, when he searched out someone from his family to show kindness.
• While slaves in King Nebuchadnezzar’s palace, Daniel set a wise example for his friends, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego by refusing to eat unclean food (Daniel 1).
• In Daniel 3, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stuck together and jointly refused to worship a false idol.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• In the New Testament, Jesus displayed the greatest example of phileo love, as well as agape love, when He sacrificed His life for the sake of His friends (Matthew 26, Matthew 27).
• In John 15:12–13, Jesus commanded His disciples to love each other as He had loved them and communicated in verse 14 that if His disciples were His true friends, they would do what He commanded them.
• In Colossians 3:13–15, Paul tells believers to be compassionate, kind, humble, meek, patient, forgiving, at peace with one another, loving, and thankful. These are all necessary for a true friendship.
• Paul teaches in Colossians 3:16 that within Christ-centered friendships, we can enjoy teaching each other, as well as worshiping God together.
• In Romans 5:7–8, Paul gives a simple definition of true friendship that aligns itself with Jesus’s life: "For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Throughout the Bible, we see amazing examples of phileo love that we can extend to those in our closest circles today. As those within God’s adopted family, we are blessed to have Him as our friend, and we should follow His life example of extending agape love in our friendships. This call to true friendship urges us to commit to being good friends to others, developing relationships, and offering steadfast support and love, regardless of circumstances, mirroring God's unwavering faithfulness. It invites us to engage in genuine and vulnerable relationships, where we share our true selves and foster trust and mutual respect. Additionally, it challenges us to serve sacrificially, putting others' needs before our own, making personal sacrifices, and actively seeking ways to encourage and strengthen our friends' spiritual and emotional well-being. Through such relationships, we reflect God's love and faithfulness in tangible ways.

UNDERSTAND

• True friendship involves consistent, unconditional love.
• A true friend shows loyalty and makes sacrifices, reflecting the deep commitment seen in biblical examples.
• True friends encourage each other's spiritual growth and well-being.

REFLECT

• Looking at those closest to you, what makes them true friendships? How have you thanked them or encouraged them in being your true friends?
• How are you being a true friend?
• What is the value of friendship in your life, and how are you cultivating true friendships?

ENGAGE

• What do the examples of true friendships in the Bible reveal to us about our own relationships?
• What are some practical ways you can embody the qualities of true friendship in your everyday interactions with others, whether they are close friends or just acquaintances?
• How does Jesus's sacrificial love impact your approach to loving others and extending forgiveness and reconciliation in your relationships?