What is the danger of gossiping about your pastor and his family?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

If we have a personal issue with our pastor, we should follow the process in Matthew 18:15–17, pray for him (1 Timothy 2:1), and then trust God to judge him (James 3:1). While gossip can feel good in the moment (Proverbs 26:22), our words have great power to hurt others (James 3:6), especially our pastor, who is already vulnerable to others’ scrutiny and harsh judgement. Additionally, gossip is known for creating divisions, which we are specifically warned against (1 Corinthians 1:10), and when our pastor is harmed due to gossip, all members in the church suffer, too (1 Corinthians 12:26). Gossip stems from letting our words go along with our fleshly desires (Jude 1:16), but as believers, we should be pursue love and unity (Ephesians 4:16; Colossians 3:14) and give “double honor” (1 Timothy 5:17) to pastors who strive to honor God and lead well.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• Most people are aware of the way that gossip destroys people's reputations and does great harm to relationships, but still they continue to spread gossip because it feels good (Proverbs 26:22). Unfortunately, the pastor and his family are easy targets for gossip in the church.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• If our pastor sins against us or we are made aware of a questionable situation involving our pastor, it is not an excuse to spread gossip. Matthew 18:15–17 lays out instructions for how to handle this situation biblically.
• We should be working to support our fellow workers in the ministry, and our pastor is just that: a fellow servant in God's kingdom. His function is different, but he is working towards the same goal we are. Throughout the New Testament we are encouraged to work towards unity in the church (1 Corinthians 1:10). This excludes gossip in all forms.
• God calls us to work for peace and unity. If we have put our faith in Jesus Christ, we are all a part of His body. If one member is suffering, the rest of the body suffers (1 Corinthians 12:26), so we should not harm each other by spreading gossip.
• When one aspect of church ministry is going well, the other ministries in the church are able to flourish. The body of Christ is "joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love" (Ephesians 4:16). We should promote unity in the church, not gossip.
• Instead of gossiping, we need to focus on loving one another, "which binds everything together in perfect harmony" (Colossians 3:14).
• Rather than gossip about our pastor and his family, we should support him. We might even ask him what specific things we can do that would be helpful to him and his family. Prayer is certainly a great place to start (1 Timothy 2:1).
• The Bible calls us to respect those in ministry leadership. First Timothy 5:17 says, "Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching." We should not disrespect them by spreading gossip.
• We should trust God with our pastor. God holds pastors to a higher standard of living and a higher standard of judgment (James 3:1). If we are worried our pastor is not living up to the standards God has called him to, we can pray for a change and also trust God is taking the situation seriously. We can also ask God to guide us on if there is anything we else need to do, but gossiping is not an option.
• James realized the power of the tongue, calling it a world of unrighteousness, a fire set aflame by hell that stains the whole body, changing the course of people's lives (James 3:6). We can keep this verse in mind when we are tempted to gossip about our pastor.
• One of the biggest ways that gossip is spread throughout the church is through complaining. Jude says that this kind of behavior is fueled by sinful desires for one's own advantage, and it often results in divisions in the church (Jude 1:16).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Gossiping is not only a sin that God detests (2 Corinthians 12:20; Romans 1:29; 2 Timothy 3:3), but it hinders the church by building suspicion and distrust of others. In terms of definition, gossip is spreading stories or information about someone else to other people. Gossip can be false or intentionally slanderous. Our words can do a lot to help or harm the ministry, so we must avoid gossip and instead build the pastor and church (Ephesians 4:15–16, 25, 29).

Rather than gossip or complain about our pastor and his family, we should seek to be an encouragement and a support to them. We should respect our pastor and honor him for choosing to pour out his life for others and we should also be gracious with him, recognizing he is just as human as we are. Finally, we should bring concerns directly to him rather than gossip.

It is wise to examine our own heart before God and seek to live in unity with other believers. We are each accountable to God: "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:1-3). This means we should promote unity in our church and encourage our pastor in his ministry rather than gossip about him or his family.

UNDERSTAND

• Gossip harms the church, reputations, and unity.
• Believers should address concerns directly and support their pastor, not gossip.
• Words have power; we should use them to encourage others and build up the church.

REFLECT

• How are you intentional to use your words about your pastor or church leaders to build up or encourage?
• When tempted to gossip, how can you pause and choose prayer or encouragement instead?
• How can you actively support and honor your pastor and their family this week?

ENGAGE

• How can we create a culture that discourages gossip and promotes unity?
• How can we encourage each other to use our words to strengthen, rather than divide, the body of Christ?
• Why is it important for our witness to address concerns directly with leadership instead of talking behind their back?