What is a Christian response to a friend who comes out of the closet (as gay)?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

As Christians, we have friends, family, and acquaintances from numerous different walks of life, both believers and unbelievers. When a friend comes out as gay, Christians are called to respond with both love and truth, maintaining biblical convictions while being a godly, good friend. The Bible teaches that all people have a sin nature (Psalm 51:5; Romans 3:23), and this understanding should encourage us to be humble rather than self-righteousness. Homosexual behavior is identified as sinful in Scripture (Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10), but God's grace is available to all who repent and believe in Christ (Romans 3:23-26). Like Jesus, we are to engage with compassion, speaking truth graciously and respectfully (Ephesians 4:15; 1 Peter 3:15), trusting the Holy Spirit to work in hearts. There is no need to cut ties with someone who comes out of the closet. This doesn't mean we agree with homosexuality; it means we love our friend well and biblically. Even if relationships become strained after a friend comes out of the closet, we must continue to reflect Christ’s love, holding firmly to biblical truth while showing genuine care.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• The Bible makes it clear that all of us have a sin nature (Psalm 51:5; Jeremiah 17:9; see also Romans 3:23; Romans 5:12; Ephesians 2:3; 1 John 1:8). Understanding that all have sinned and need grace takes away our tendency to be self-righteous, confident in our own goodness.
• God is fully righteous and fully loving (Exodus 34:6-7). Though He loves us, He never condones sin. Loving does not mean approving.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• Romans 1:26-27 as well as other passages, such as 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and 1 Timothy 1:9-10 show that homosexuality is sinful and a result of disobeying God (see also Leviticus 18:22). Homosexual desires and homosexual acts are not the same, but even desires still entail wanting something sinful. A comparison is the desire to steal versus actually stealing; the latter has greater consequences.
• Though all of us have sinned, God gives grace and justifies all who accept Christ as Savior and surrender their lives to Him: "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus" (Romans 3:23-26).
• As God incarnate, Jesus inherently brought gentle conviction and a way for people to be free. When He went to the tax collector Zacchaeus' house for dinner, Zacchaeus proactively decided that he was going to repay all the people he had swindled out of money by fourfold. Jesus didn't ask him to do that, but Zacchaeus was compelled to after being in Jesus' presence (Luke 19:1-10). The love of God brings transformation.
• As believers, we are to represent Christ and seek to live as He did. Jesus spent time with people from all walks of life, but He did not partake in their sin (see Luke 5:30; 7:34). Christ loved them without affirming or celebrating their sin. He also called sinners to repentance (Matthew 4:17; Luke 5:32, 13:3)..
• When a friend is living in sin, we should pray that "God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth" (2 Timothy 2:25).
• We should study the Bible and follow the lead of the Holy Spirit to ensure that our "speech [is] always gracious, seasoned with salt, so that [we] may know how [we] ought to answer each person" (Colossians 4:6).
• In all situations, we should speak the truth with gentleness and respect (Ephesians 4:15; 1 Peter 3:15; Colossians 4:6; see Proverbs 15:1).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

When a friend comes out of the closet as gay, our conversations with them need to be filled with grace, compassion, and genuine care. It's important to remember that every person is made in the image of God and is deeply loved by Him (Genesis 1:27; John 3:16). Showing grace doesn’t mean compromising truth—it means reflecting Christ’s heart in how we communicate that truth. Sometimes, when we don’t offer full affirmation of a friend’s lifestyle, especially if it conflicts with biblical teaching, the relationship may become strained or even end. But that choice is ultimately theirs, and while it may hurt, we are still called to respond biblically with truth, love, patience, and integrity.

In today’s culture, where personal identity is often closely tied to sexuality, holding a biblical view can feel isolating or be misunderstood. But 1 Peter 3:15-16 reminds us to be ready to give a reason for our hope “with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience,” so that even if we are slandered, our conduct in Christ speaks for itself. We should never compromise what the Bible says about sexual ethics (Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11), but we also must not weaponize Scripture. Instead, we hold both truth and love together, trusting that God is the one who changes hearts. By keeping the door open with grace, we reflect Jesus—who never stopped speaking truth but also never stopped loving people personally, even when they walked away (Mark 10:21-22).

UNDERSTAND

• When a friend comes out of the closet, we are called to respond with grace and truth.
• All sin, including homosexuality, separates us from God, and God calls us to repentance.
• Jesus loved people without affirming their sin.

REFLECT

• How can you show genuine love to a friend who comes out as gay without compromising your biblical convictions?
• How might your own sin struggles help you respond with humility and grace when someone confesses their sin or sin struggles with you?
• How are you preparing your heart and words to speak truth with gentleness and respect, like Christ, to your friends?

ENGAGE

• How can we support each other in holding to biblical truth while building loving relationships with friends who identify with the LGBTQ+ community?
• What does it look like to reflect Christ's character in conversations about sexuality and identity?
• How can the church better equip believers to engage with cultural pressures without fear, unbiblical condemnation, or compromise?