What does it mean to leave and cleave?

Quick answer

“Leave and cleave” communicates leaving one’s parents to form a new, lasting bond with one’s spouse. God intended marriage to be a special bond that points to Christ’s relationship with the church.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The phrase “leave and cleave” comes from Genesis 2:24. It is part of a passage in which God created Eve as a wife to Adam. The passage emphasizes the intimacy of marital union, a union so close that the couple must prioritize each other even over their respective families. “Cleave” is the word used in the King James translation, and it denotes the permanence of marriage. God intended marriage to be a lasting union (Malachi 2:16 NIV) of one man and one woman (Matthew 19:4). In the New Testament, Jesus reaffirmed that teaching, clarifying to the religious leaders that divorce was not part of God’s original provision for marriage (Matthew 19:8-9). The sacred and enduring nature of marriage is further affirmed by Jesus’ designation as the Bridegroom of the church (Ephesians 5:25-27; Revelation 19:7-9). “Leave and cleave” stresses the unique features of the marriage bond.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

After God created Eve, Adam declared that she was "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" (Genesis 2:23). Genesis says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 KJV). “Be one flesh” is a metaphor for “cleave” and communicates the intimacy and permanence of the marriage union.
In explaining why God won’t accept a faithless Judah’s offering, the Bible comments on the nation’s betrayal of its marriage covenant: “...Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. . . guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth” (Malachi 2:11-15).

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

Jesus reaffirmed the permanence of the marriage bond in Matthew 19:4-6. In fact, He noted that to remarry except for unfaithfulness is adultery (Matthew 5:32).
The marriage bond is so sacred that Christ is likened to the Bridegroom of the church, emphasizing the permanence of the bond (Ephesians 5:25-27).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Sadly, too many in modern society place more importance on planning the event than working on the marriage. Some may think, “If it doesn’t work out, I can always get a divorce.” Or perhaps they will decide to call mom or dad when things go wrong or when they need advice. That is not leaving and cleaving. In fact, many married couples continue to keep separate bank accounts and spend their finances independently of one another. This independent attitude seems to indicate right from the start that they are not fully united with one another. “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours” is not a spirit of cleaving, but a preparation for leaving. But believers shouldn’t think that way. God never intended marriage to be a “try and see” venture; our marriage union should be permanent. Rather than spending months planning a wedding, the majority of time and energy should be spent on choosing the right spouse. For believers, that means a fellow Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14). Seeking premarital counseling from a godly counselor may also help (Proverbs 15:22). Most of all, seek wisdom from God to make your decision (James 1:5). The wedding won’t last, but the marriage should.

UNDERSTAND

"Leave and cleave" means forming a new, permanent bond in marriage that takes precedence over parental ties.
God designed marriage to be a lifelong, faithful covenant between one man and one woman who leave and cleave to one another.
Marriage reflects the enduring relationship between Christ and the church.

REFLECT

How have you prioritized your spouse over other relationships, and where might you still struggle to “leave and cleave”?
How does your view of marriage reflect God’s design for a permanent and faithful covenant?
When challenges arise in your marriage or relationships, how do you turn to Christ as your model for love and commitment?

ENGAGE

What does it practically look like for a couple to “leave” their families while still honoring them?
How can the picture of marriage representing Christ and the church shape the way we approach marriage today?
In a culture where divorce is common, how can Christians encourage and support one another in building lasting, godly marriages?