What does the husband of one wife phrase (1 Timothy 3:2) mean?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

First Timothy 3:1–7 outlines the qualifications for an elder (a pastor). Among other things, the man is said to be a man with one wife (1 Timothy 3:2). The Greek is literally, “a one-woman man.” Paul did not mean the man had to be married but that he was not a womanizer. If he were married, he should have only one wife and be completely faithful to her. If he were unmarried, then his relationships with women should be honorable and, if dating, should be faithfully preparing for marriage, having only one girlfriend.

In Paul’s day, men would have had several sexual partners outside of marriage and were often unfaithful even when married. However, one who leads the church to follow Christ must himself strive for purity and Christlikeness. That is why an elder must be a “one-woman man.” Regardless of whether one aspires to be a pastor or not, all believers are to honor God by being sexually pure in their relationships.

Note: Some scholars interpret this passage as prohibiting an elder from remarrying (whether his first marriage ended in divorce or death). However, that is interpretive. Since other passages indicate one can be biblically remarried (e.g., Matthew 19:9; Romans 7:2–3), care should be taken when applying 1 Timothy’s simple statement to such questions.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• Marriage between one man and one woman is grounded in God’s original design for marriage. After God gave Adam Eve as his wife, Moses commented: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). God created men and women to join in marriage and to engage in sexual activities only with each other and only after marriage. The 1 Timothy statement is based on this background.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• The passage in question falls in a longer list of elder qualifications (1 Timothy 3:1–7). It reads, in part, “an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent … not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well … He must not be a recent convert … Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders.”
• This list can be summarized as the man must be Christlike in all of his life. This is because an overseer (also known as an “elder” or “pastor”) is someone who leads and cares for Jesus’ people (1 Peter 5:2). To lead rightly, he needs to demonstrate Christlikeness in his own life.
• The literal translation of the phrase that reads, “the husband of one wife,” is “a one-woman man.” While elders, as more mature Christians, tend to be older and married, Paul is not saying they must be married. Indeed, Paul was apparently unmarried, at least at this time in his life (i.e., 1 Corinthians 9:5). Instead, he’s saying that they need to be men who are faithful to their wives if they have one and sexually pure if they do not. And if they are single, they are not to be the type of man who “plays the field.”
• In Greco-Roman culture, sexual immorality and unfaithfulness were common (as they are today). Paul said that someone who represents Christ must be different from the norm. They must be like Christ.
• Note that some take the “husband of one wife” statement to mean that an elder cannot be remarried. Whether they were divorced (even for biblically valid reasons, such as Matthew 19:9) or their wife died, they believe that “one woman” means “only one woman, ever.” However, Paul doesn’t explicitly say that there (he lists several things in quick succession without explaining the nuances), and other passages indicate that there are biblically valid ways of being remarried (Matthew 19:9; Romans 7:2–3). If being remarried is acceptable in certain situations, then, as long as the elder was biblically released from his previous marriage, he can be an elder even if remarried. This is an area where care should be taken and where faithful believers may decide to “agree to disagree” as to its application to the remarried man.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Elders and pastors are to be mature men believers whom God has placed in each church, able to faithfully teach and defend the truth, leading believers towards becoming more like Christ. Part of that leadership is in the form of example, being men worthy of imitation (Hebrews 13:7). The reason they are to be “one-woman men” is that they are to exemplify sexual purity and faithfulness to other believers.

We can learn a few things from passages such as this.

First, we should not strive to be a leader if we are not qualified. James warned that God will judge leaders more severely (James 3:1) because they have great potential to harm others' lives.

Second, because God wants to protect His sheep from dangerous leaders, the church must hold elders and pastors accountable when they sin. We can protect them by not leading them into situations where sexual temptation will easily occur. We hold them accountable not by wearing them down with frivolous claims but by being quick to stand against one who sins in a way that disqualifies them from leadership.

Finally, because elders and pastors are to illustrate what Christlikeness looks like, these lists of qualifications are not just for them. They show us what a mature believer looks like. Therefore, even the average believer is to strive to be sexually pure in his or her relationships.

UNDERSTAND

• The phrase "husband of one wife" is literally "a one-woman man" in Greek, referring to a standard of sexual faithfulness and integrity rather than to an elder's marital status.
• An elder must model Christlikeness in all areas of life, including his relationships with women; whether married or single, he must be wholly devoted to one woman, not a womanizer.
• Some interpret this phrase as prohibiting remarriage after divorce or a spouse's death, but other passages permit remarriage in certain circumstances, making this an area where faithful believers may reasonably disagree.

REFLECT

• How does the standard of being a "one-woman man" challenge you to examine the faithfulness and integrity of your own relationships, whether you are married or single?
• In what areas of your life do you need greater consistency between what you say you believe and how you actually live it?
  
• How might your understanding of character change if you viewed it as something that should be evident in every relationship?

ENGAGE

• What does "the husband of one wife" phrase reveal about God’s priorities when it comes to spiritual leadership?
  
• How should a church community practically evaluate whether a candidate for eldership meets the "one-woman man" standard, particularly in cases involving past divorce or remarriage?
• What tension is seen today between cultural views of relationships and the kind of sexual integrity described here?