What should I be looking for in a husband?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

A woman should seek a husband who loves God, follows Jesus, and strives to live according to God's will with humility and faithfulness. The Bible emphasizes finding a man after God's own heart who leads spiritually, loves sacrificially, and reflects Christ in his marriage. He should be equally yoked with his wife in faith, values, and purpose and be growing in godly character—strong, humble, and servant-hearted. Practical compatibility, such as shared beliefs, goals, and conversations about family and finances, also matters. Though no man is perfect, a husband who is devoted to God and committed to loving his wife well is a strong foundation for a lasting, Christ-centered marriage.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• The first quality to look for in a prospective husband is that he is a man after God's own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). God wants men like David, who live to follow His will, who repent and seek to obey after failing, and who do the work of His kingdom.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• When seeking a husband, the most important criterion a woman should look for is if the man loves and follows Jesus (Acts 13:22; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Ephesians 5:25).
• Although our spouse should have priority among our human relationships, our relationship with God is the most important. The Bible instructs us to only marry someone with whom we are equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14), which means marrying a fellow follower of Christ. Marrying another believer helps us to align our life purposes and way of life.
• Not only should a woman look for a Christian man but a man who continues to mature in his faith after becoming a believer. The Bible provides numerous descriptions of what a godly man looks like. For example, a godly man is strong, humble, and caring (1 Corinthians 16:13; 1 Peter 5:5; Mark 10:43–45). Jesus Himself is the perfect example.
• The role a husband plays in relation to his wife symbolizes the role Jesus plays in relation to the Church (Ephesians 5:22–33).
• Another key quality to look for in a husband is a man who will love his wife as he loves himself. In Ephesians chapter 5, Paul describes the role of a husband. He states, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:25, 28). A good husband will love his wife sacrificially and unconditionally. He will be willing to do anything, including laying down his life, to care for and protect her.
• In addition, a husband should be a spiritual leader for his family. As the head of the household he is responsible for taking care of his wife and children, including helping them follow God (1 Timothy 5:8; 1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 6:4).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

When seeking a husband, the most important criterion a woman should look for is whether the man loves and follows God wholeheartedly; in other words, wives should desire a husband who can truly be called a man after God’s own heart. This means he seeks to live according to God’s will, demonstrating faithfulness, humility, and a genuine desire to honor God in all aspects of his life. Such a man’s character is rooted not merely in outward appearances or accomplishments but in a heart surrendered to God’s guidance and love.

If a man embodies these qualities, he will likely be a faithful and God-honoring husband who prioritizes the spiritual health and well-being of the marriage. Other factors are also important when seeking a husband. Shared doctrinal beliefs, moral values, and life goals help build unity and reduce conflicts. Practical topics like children, residence, extended family relationships, and finances should be discussed prior to marriage.

Also, a woman should look for a good husband who supports and encourages her, bringing out her best while being honest and loving. Physical and romantic attraction also play a valid role in the relationship, fostering intimacy and connection, but attraction is fueled by good, godly character.

While no husband will be perfect, finding a man committed to serving God and loving you unconditionally means discovering a faithful partner with whom you can share life’s journey with trust, grace, and mutual respect.

UNDERSTAND

• A woman should look for a man after God’s own heart who loves and follows Him faithfully.
• A godly husband leads spiritually and loves sacrificially like Christ.
• A woman should look for a husband who will be equally yoked with her in faith, values, and purpose.

REFLECT

• How are you preparing your own heart to recognize and value a man who is truly after God’s own heart?
• How do you prioritize spiritual maturity and shared faith over external qualities when thinking about a future husband?
• How willing are you to wait for a man who leads with humility, serves with love, and puts God first in his life?

ENGAGE

• What does it practically look like for a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and how can that shape our expectations?
• How can we tell the difference between someone who says they follow Jesus and someone who genuinely lives it out in daily life?
• What are some helpful ways to discuss spiritual leadership, life goals, and values while dating or preparing for marriage?