How often should married couples have sex?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

God created sex as a good and purposeful gift to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage. It brings unity between husband and wife (Genesis 2:24), enables procreation (Genesis 1:28), and provides mutual joy and pleasure (Song of Solomon 7:6-12). The Bible encourages married couples not to withhold sex from one another (1 Corinthians 7:4-5), emphasizing mutual care, respect, and selflessness. While Scripture doesn’t prescribe a specific frequency of sex, it promotes open communication and sacrificial love in this area of marriage. A healthy sex life reflects emotional and spiritual closeness and requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to serve one another in love.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• God created sex to be between one man and one woman in the unity of marriage. Procreation is one reason why God created sex. God commanded Adam and Eve, "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). Sex was designed to bring forth life and fill the earth with His image-bearers.
• Sex was also created to bring unity within a marital relationship. Genesis 2:24 teaches that a man and woman become “one flesh” in marriage. This physical union reflects the deep, covenantal bond between husband and wife.
• God also created sex to provide mutual joy and pleasure between a married couple. The Song of Solomon celebrates sexual desire and delight between a married couple. Far from being shameful, it portrays sex as a source of mutual enjoyment, intimacy, and love (Song of Solomon 7:6-12).

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• First Corinthians 7:4 explains that spouses have both the right to enjoy each other's bodies and the responsibility to respect each other's wishes. A healthy sex life discourages sin as the couple learns to be satisfied with each other and grows closer.
• God designed sex to be an important part of a marriage relationship. It is not absolutely mandatory, as some couples will experience extended periods apart or physical problems that will make sex impossible, but sex in marriage is important nonetheless. First Corinthians 7:5 exhorts us to not deprive each other.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

The Bible doesn't mention how often a married couple should have sex. Undoubtedly, it will be a function of proximity, the stage in life, and even logistics. In general, spouses should communicate with each other and reach a resolution. If a couple's schedule is such that they are just too tired or don't have time, the couple needs to address the schedule. It is not scriptural to let this issue slide. Another sadly common issue is painful intercourse. For the health of the marriage, if one or the other spouse finds intercourse physically painful, he or she should seek help from a doctor or counselor. Emotional or relational pain can also impact intimacy, and it should not be ignored. If there are unresolved hurts, mistrust, or communication breakdowns, couples should seek healing through honest conversation, prayer, and, when needed, wise counsel. According to 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, spouses are called to give themselves to each other in love—not out of obligation but out of mutual care and willingness. A healthy sexual relationship within marriage reflects not only physical closeness but also emotional and spiritual unity. Therefore, giving to one another and enjoying sexual intimacy regularly with patience, empathy, and sacrificial love is both a biblical priority and a path to deeper connection.

UNDERSTAND

• Sex is an intentional gift from God designed for unity, procreation, and mutual joy within marriage.
• The Bible does not give a specific frequency for a couple to have sex, but it calls couples to meet each other’s needs with affection, respect, and selfless love.
• Healthy sexual intimacy is a vital part of a God-honoring marriage.

REFLECT

• What attitudes or expectations do you currently hold about sex in your marriage, and how are they influencing your relationship?
• How do you respond when sexual needs between you and your spouse are out of sync?
• What steps could you take to deepen emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy in your marriage?

ENGAGE

• How does viewing sex as a God-given gift change the way couples should approach it in marriage?
• What are some challenges couples face in maintaining a healthy sexual relationship, and how can they navigate them with grace and wisdom?
• How can the church or Christian community better support couples in growing toward intimacy that reflects mutual love and respect?