Should Christians have gay friends? Is it okay for Christians to have gay friends?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

Christians are called to love and build genuine relationships with all people, including those who identify as LGBTQ+, in ways that are both compassionate and truthful. Friendships are a gift meant to encourage, support, and hold one another accountable, and God desires justice, mercy, and compassion, even as He calls people away from sin. Jesus’s example demonstrates how to interact with those living in ways contrary to God’s commands: He spent time with sinners and social outcasts without condoning their sin. Likewise, Christians are called to speak the truth in love, offering guidance and support while maintaining moral boundaries and upholding God’s Word. Loving a friend who identifies as gay means walking alongside them with patience, grace, and honesty, helping them recognize their identity as someone made in God’s image, and pointing them toward repentance, restoration, and hope. True friendship, therefore, is both relational and redemptive: it reflects God’s love, seeks the ultimate good of the other person, and leads them closer to the life God intends.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• We are not solitary beings. We are created for community. God created Adam in His image to reflect Him. After the creation of Adam, the Lord declared it was not good for him to be alone (Genesis 2:18). So, God created Eve from Adam’s rib and in God’s image (Genesis 2:18). Both men and women were created by the Triune God, who is a community within Himself, so it makes sense that we are beings who were created for community.
• The Bible has much to say about friendships. True friends provide encouragement, support, and accountability, reflecting God’s love in practical ways (Proverbs 17:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). Godly friendships are built on honesty, trust, and shared values, helping us grow in faith and resist temptation (Proverbs 27:6; see 1 Thessalonians 5:11). Friends can also challenge us to live righteously and point us toward Christ when we stray (Proverbs 27:17; see Colossians 3:16). Ultimately, the Bible shows that friendships are a gift from God, meant to strengthen, guide, and bless us as we journey together in faith (Proverbs 18:24).
• One legendary friendship occurred between David and Jonathan, the son of King Saul. Theirs was a dynamic, lifelong friendship (1 Samuel 18). We were created for relationship.
• Christians are called to love people while rejecting sin. The Old Testament highlights that God cares about justice, mercy, and compassion toward others (Micah 6:8), even as He calls people away from sinful behavior (Leviticus 18:22).

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• Before the universe came to be, there was the eternal community of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19; 2 Corinthians 13:14).
• Jesus also had friends who were near to Him. Though He had twelve disciples, He seemed particularly close to Peter, James, and John (Matthew 17:1; Mark 5:37; Luke 9:28). Relationships are important.
• Jesus did not shy away from people, even those with unsavory reputations, sinful passions, or who were social outcasts (Matthew 9:10–13; Luke 19:1–10). Instead, Jesus took issue with the religious leaders who pridefully thought they had it all together (Matthew 23:27–28).
• At the same time, while Jesus ate with sinners, He did not condone, encourage, or participate in their sin (Luke 5:29–32). In fact, Jesus called sinners out of their sin, like He did with the woman at the well (John 8:11; Mark 2:17).
• We are called to love all people, including sinners, while maintaining a distinction between approving of sin and showing grace (Romans 5:8; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11). Jesus’ example shows He spent time with people living in ways contrary to God’s commands, such as tax collectors and sinners (Matthew 9:10–13), yet He did not condone their sin.
• Paul’s letters emphasize being “all things to all people” to share the gospel without compromising moral convictions (1 Corinthians 9:22).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Christians are called to form relationships with all kinds of people, including those who identify as LGBTQ+, in a way that is loving, respectful, and truthful. Friendship does not mean endorsing or participating in sinful behavior, but it does allow for meaningful connection, care, and influence. Those who identify as gay are also people made in God’s image, made for relationship, both with others and with God. Unfortunately, they have taken a part of their being, their sexuality, and made it their identity. A good friend genuinely cares for another, seeks to understand them, and helps them thrive. Part of that is speaking the truth in love. To be friends with someone who is gay means there might be some difficulty as the person lives in a way that is contrary to God’s ways. It will be tempting to hear of their desires and difficulties and to want to agree that there is nothing wrong with being gay. Love is love, right?

Well, God is love. And God created each person in His image with purpose and value. He determined a person’s sexuality, and He created sex for His good purposes. Going outside of those purposes leads to harm, confusion, and separation from the fullness of life God intends. True love does not affirm what God calls sin, but it does seek the ultimate good of the other person—guiding them toward repentance, restoration, and a relationship with Him (Romans 6:23; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11; James 5:19–20). Loving a friend who identifies as gay means walking alongside them with patience, grace, and honesty, pointing them to the hope and freedom found in Christ.

When Jesus made a friend with someone, He did not encourage or adopt their bad behavior. On the contrary, He changed them. He led them to the truth. He showed them God’s will for their lives. He did not condone their sins, and He did not leave them to wallow in their iniquities. He uplifted them. He snatched them from the pit and delivered them to lofty heights. And we can point our friends, gay or not, to this amazing God who loves us and fulfills us more than anyone or anything ever could.

UNDERSTAND

• Christians can love and befriend LGBTQ+ people without compromising God’s truth.
• True friendship includes care, support, and guiding others toward Christ.
• Following Jesus’ example means engaging with sinners without condoning sin.

REFLECT

• How can you show love and care to a friend who identifies as LGBTQ+ while staying true to your faith?
• Where do you need to grow in patience, grace, or honesty in your friendships?
• How do you distinguish between loving a friend and endorsing behaviors you believe are sinful?

ENGAGE

• How can we create meaningful friendships with LGBTQ+ people that reflect God’s love without compromising our convictions?
• In what ways can our relationships serve as a bridge to point others toward hope, restoration, and Christ?
• How do we follow Jesus’ example in engaging with people whose lifestyles conflict with God’s commands?