Should Christians have close friendships with unbelievers?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The Old Testament has much to say on the topic of friendship with ungodly people. Moses strictly instructs the Israelites not to follow the example of wicked friends who would lead them astray from God. We must use discernment in our choice of friends in order to avoid ungodliness and to not pursue friendship with those who are rebellious or cannot control their temper.

The New Testament gives us the best example of being a friend to unbelievers. Jesus Christ, throughout His ministry, was judged harshly for extending kindness toward ungodly people; yet we are instructed to take after His example so unbelievers will see the light of Christ and ultimately praise our Heavenly Father. Paul talks about friendship with unbelievers throughout his teachings to new churches, as well. Although we are called to minister to unbelievers, we must remember that our spiritual identities are in direct opposition. As such, we must not let unbelievers’ ungodly practices, beliefs, or behavior negatively impact our relationship with God.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• In Deuteronomy 13:6–11, Moses solemnly warns the Israelites to not let wicked friends lead them away from God into idol worship.
• We must use discernment in order to avoid becoming friends with wicked people (Proverbs 1:10–19; 4:14–19).
• We must not let our friendships with unbelievers lead us into ungodliness: "One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” (Proverbs 12:26).
• If we lean on godly, wise people for wisdom, we will be like them; conversely, if we follow the example of foolish, ungodly people, we will inevitably get hurt (Proverbs 13:20).
• We are advised in Proverbs 24:21: "My son, fear the LORD and the king, and do not join with those who do otherwise." We must avoid close friendships with rebellious people.
• We should not foster friendships with people who do not have a reign on their temper (Proverbs 22:24).

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• As followers of Jesus Christ, we must “...let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16). We should extend friendliness toward unbelievers so they can see the light of God and praise Him.
• In Matthew 28:19-20, we are called to follow Jesus’ example and make disciples of all nations. In many cases, fulfilling this command will involve building friendships with unbelievers as we share the gospel with them.
• During Jesus’ ministry, He was known for spending time with ungodly people, as Luke 7:34 records: "The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, 'Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!'" Despite the opposition and judgment Jesus faced from religious leaders, He extended kindness and love to the most immoral individuals of His time.
• Unbelievers are still slaves to sin (Romans 6:6–11). We should be careful to not grow so close to them that their sinful lifestyles negatively impact our relationship with God.
• Paul makes it clear in 1 Corinthians 5:9-10 that although we are supposed to associate with unbelievers, we must not allow their sinful practices to cause us to spiritually stumble.
• In 2 Corinthians 6:15 Paul rhetorically asks his audience, “What portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?” Clearly, a believer’s identity is in direct opposition to an unbeliever's identity.
• We must not prioritize our friendships with unbelievers to the extent in which we compromise our godly morals (1 Corinthians 15:33).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

It is clear we are to build friendships with unbelievers. Why? Because it would be extremely difficult to share the gospel with someone without building some level of friendship with them first. At the same time, we must not let our friendship with unbelievers result in us watering down the truths of God’s Word or minimizing the importance of certain doctrines to not offend them. As emphasized throughout the Old and New Testament, we must use discernment in our friendships with unbelievers. As we attempt to share the love of God with them, we must avoid letting their influence take precedence over our relationship with God. Ultimately, it should be our goal to live a Christ-centered life as well as share our faith with unbelievers.

UNDERSTAND

• Jesus demonstrated friendship with unbelievers, showing love and kindness without compromising His mission.
• The Bible warns us to be cautious in friendships with unbelievers, ensuring they don't lead us away from God.
• Building friendships with unbelievers is vital for sharing the gospel, but we must use discernment to maintain our faith and values.

REFLECT

• How can you build relationships with unbelievers while protecting your own walk with God?
• Have there been moments where your friendships with unbelievers have negatively influenced your decisions or values? How did you respond?
• What practical steps can you take to ensure your relationships with unbelievers reflect Christ without compromising your faith?

ENGAGE

• How can we discern when a friendship with an unbeliever is helping to share the gospel versus when it is leading us away from our faith?
• Sadly, statistics show that within three years of becoming a Christian, most people no longer have Christian friends. In what ways can we engage unbelievers in friendship while still maintaining a clear distinction between our Christian values and their lifestyle?
• How can we, as a community of believers, hold each other accountable while fostering meaningful relationships with unbelievers that lead them toward Christ?