How can I extend forgiveness to those who sin against me?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The Bible teaches us to forgive those who sin against us (Matthew 6:12; 18:21–22). Part of the Lord’s prayer, Jesus’ model prayer for His disciples, is asking forgiveness “as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Scripture also connects forgiveness to spiritual maturity, following Christ’s example (Proverbs 19:11; Matthew 5:44–45; Ephesians 4:31–32; Colossians 3:12–13). In practical terms, the Bible shows that not forgiving others can hurt us more than the other person (Psalm 37:8; Hebrews 12:15; James 1:19–20). Per Scripture, our focus should be moving forward rather than dwelling on the past (Philippians 3:13–14). Matthew’s gospel includes instructions about the four-step process of reconciliation in disputes between believers: approach the person privately; if that is ineffective, approach with two or three witnesses; if that doesn’t work, involve the church; and if the person is still unrepentant, he is to be treated as an unbeliever (Matthew 18:15–20). According to the Bible, believers should be open and ready to forgive others.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• Proverbs 10:12 says, "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses." Holding onto the bitterness of unforgiveness damages us.
• God specifically forbade the Israelites from harboring hate toward each other (Leviticus 19:17).

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• In Jesus’ model prayer for His disciples, he says, “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). The prayer indicates we should forgive if we expect forgiveness.
• Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” (Matthew 18:21). Jesus replies, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:22). Jesus uses hyperbole to show that our hearts should always be open to forgive those who have wronged us.
• Forgiveness may include reconciliation, and that should be the goal, especially among believers. Matthew 18:15–20 offers a pattern for how to handle disputes among believers: Address the issue directly with the person. If that doesn’t work (or is not possible or safe), take one or two others with you. If that fails, take the problem to your local church congregation. If even that doesn’t work, then no longer associate with the person as a believer.
• Paul encourages believers in Ephesus “to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (Ephesians 4:1) and to “no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds” (Ephesians 4:17). Such spiritual maturity includes “Be[ing] kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Because of Christ, we can repent from our sins and those sins are “blotted out” (Acts 3:19). We are covered in Christ’s righteousness (Philippians 3:9), so our sins are not held against us. That blessing should be passed on. As believers, our goal should be to become Christ-like. When we realize how much God forgave us, we must forgive others, too.

Practically, this may mean when a coworker gossips about you, you overlook the offense and continue to treat that person kindly. Maybe it means pulling over to help the stranded driver who earlier cut you off in traffic. Or it could even mean seeking reconciliation with the Christian friend who didn’t return the money she borrowed. These are all minor when compared to the sins Christ has forgiven us for.

The best reason to forgive, though, is that it’s what our Heavenly Father wants us to do. That should compel us to be open and ready to forgive others.

UNDERSTAND

• We forgive others because God has forgiven us.
• Recognizing the depth of God’s mercy toward us compels us to show the same grace to others.
• While it may not always restore relationships, forgiveness frees us from bitterness.

REFLECT

• Is there someone in your life you haven’t forgiven because the hurt feels too deep? How might remembering God’s forgiveness toward you help you take a step forward?
• What do you tend to hold on to—bitterness, anger, resentment—and how has that affected your relationship with God and others?
• How does your understanding of Jesus’ forgiveness shape the way you respond to people who wrong you, even in small ways?

ENGAGE

• What are some practical ways we can help one another pursue forgiveness and reconciliation?
• How can the truth that God forgives us repeatedly (Matthew 18:22) shape the way we think about forgiving others?
• What does forgiveness mean and what does it not mean?