How do you forgive someone who has not apologized?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

Forgiving someone who has not apologized is one of the most difficult acts of obedience. Scripture shows that forgiveness is rooted in God’s character, regardless of whether an apology has been given or not. God is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger” (Exodus 34:6–7), and His mercy is not dependent on our response. He is also perfectly just and will not let the wicked go unpunished (Exodus 34:6–7b). Because of these truths, God commands His people to refuse retaliation and to release judgment into His hands: “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge… but you shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18).

Jesus embodied this same forgiveness on the cross, praying for those who wronged Him without apology: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Believers are called to follow this pattern, forgiving “as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13), and choosing forgiveness even when repentance has not yet come (Luke 17:3–4). This means entrusting God with the wrong instead of choosing to harbor resentment or pursuing revenge. Rather, we are called to “overcome evil with good” and to leave justice to God, trusting Him to judge rightly (Romans 12:17–21; Romans 12:19). Forgiving someone who has not apologized frees us to release bitterness, not because the wrong was small, but because God is just, sovereign, and faithful to make all things right in His time.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• Forgiveness reflects God’s character, not the other person’s behavior. God describes Himself as “merciful and gracious, slow to anger” and forgiving even when people are still rebellious (Exodus 34:6–7a). Forgiveness in Scripture flows from who God is, not from whether the offender has earned it.
• God is also perfectly just and will not let the wicked go unpunished (Exodus 34:7b). We can trust that God will right every wrong in His timing and in His way.
• God commands His people to refuse retaliation and to leave justice in His hands: “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:18). Forgiveness includes releasing the desire to repay wrong on our own. We can forgive someone who has not apologized without seeking retaliation, knowing that God is in control and will right every wrong perfectly.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• God provides the perfect example of forgiveness, even when others do not apologize. Jesus forgives even while being wronged: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). When we are wronged, and someone has not apologized, we can remember that Jesus, too, was wronged without apology. We can also follow His example by giving wrongdoing over to God, just as Jesus did.
• Believers are commanded to forgive others “as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13). Our forgiveness is rooted in what we have already received, not what others do.
• Forgiveness is a choice we make, not dependent on apology: “If he sins against you seven times in the day… and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him” (Luke 17:3–4). Forgiveness is a posture of the heart and a choice on behalf of the person who has been wronged. This does not mean there are no consequences for the wrongdoer. Further, repentance is crucial for restoration and reconciliation, but forgiveness itself is not dependent on a person's repentance or apology.
• Romans 12:17–21 tells us not to repay evil for evil but to overcome evil with good. When we are wronged, we are not to take matters into our own hands, whether that means withholding forgiveness or doing some action against the person who wronged us. Instead, we are to overcome evil with good. Forgiveness is good, for God is forgiving. Forgiveness does not mean all is well, nor does it come automatically. Rather, forgiveness comes as we recognize who the true Judge is and whom we can trust when we have been wronged: God. It means surrendering any evil we have toward that person and allowing God to transform us from the inside out so that we pour out good toward them, beginning with forgiveness.
• Romans 12:19 specifically tells us: "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'” A believer forfeits their right to retaliate and entrusts justice to the One who is wholly just and good: God. We can forgive when we have been wronged because we can trust God to deal with the wrong. 
  

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Being hurt by someone who does not apologize is immensely difficult. It can be incredibly painful not to have someone recognize their part in a wrong or properly account for the impact it had on you. It can leave us confused or frustrated because there is no closure. But forgiveness for the believer is not built on closure from people—it is built on trust in God.

Forgiveness in this situation means we stop waiting for the other person’s apology to determine our obedience. We acknowledge the wrong honestly, but we choose not to carry it as bitterness or repay it with resentment. Instead, we actively release the offense to God, trusting that He sees what was done and will judge rightly in His time.

This does not mean that what happened was okay, and it does not mean trust or reconciliation, but it means we refuse to let the offense take root in our hearts or shape our identity or our actions. We can choose to no longer be defined by what someone did to us and instead hold onto who God is and how He calls us to respond in Christ.

Practically, this may look like not replaying the situation in our minds and choosing to pray instead, asking God to help us release the weight of the wrong. It may mean setting healthy boundaries while still refusing bitterness. And it means, again and again if needed, saying in your heart: “God, I give this situation and this person to You. I will not carry what You have asked me to release.”

UNDERSTAND

• Forgiveness is rooted in God’s character, not an apology.
  
• Forgiveness is a choice to release the offense, but it does not mean reconciliation.
  
• We can forgive someone who has not apologized by entrusting the person and the wrong to God.

REFLECT

• When have you experienced difficulty in forgiving others who have not apologized for a wrong committed?
• What aspects of God's character help you forgive even when it is difficult?
• How does entrusting the person and the wrong to God free you from bitterness or seeking revenge when someone has wronged you?

ENGAGE

• What does forgiveness entail, and what does it not?
• What truths in Scripture help Christians release an offense to God even when they do not receive an apology?
• How does Jesus’ example of forgiving those who wronged Him without apology (Luke 23:34) challenge the way Christians typically think about forgiveness and justice?