Should we forgive others when they sin against us?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The Bible teaches that believers are to forgive as God forgives (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13). God brought forgiveness through His Son, but it is received through repentance and faith. So, God does not ignore sin but forgives those who are truly repentant for their sin, having judged Jesus for their sin (2 Corinthians 5:21). We are also to forgive those who repent (Luke 17:3–4).

Scripture also instructs us not to hold someone’s sin against them (Mark 11:25; Romans 12:17–21), but that differs from forgiving them. Forgiveness means having hearts ready to forgive (Mark 11:25) and choosing not to harbor resentment even if repentance is not there. We do this by trusting that God is the true judge who will one day right every wrong. While forgiveness frees us from bitterness, that does not mean that a relationship will be restored. Restoration requires understanding and repentance. By forgiving others, whether they are repentant or not, we demonstrate trust in God and reflect His love even in a counter-cultural way (Mark 11:25; Romans 12:20–21; 1 Peter 4:8). Forgiving others reveals a heart shaped by God, showing the world the power of grace.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• God’s forgiveness never ignores the reality of sin. All sin must be punished, but God transfers the guilt of our sin to His Son. Looking forward to Jesus, Isaiah wrote, “he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all” (Isaiah 53:5–6).
• We aren't the judges of sin, so when we forgive, we trust God's justice. However, we emulate God by no longer holding a record of the other person’s sin (Psalm 103:12).
• God’s grants forgiveness to those who turn to Him. David wrote, “For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you” (Psalm 86:5; emphasis added). Those "who call upon" Him are those who repent (Isaiah 55:7). Our forgiveness is also to be based on someone’s repentance.
• God still extends mercy even towards the unrepentant, which differs from forgiving them. His mercy is a temporary act of compassion towards those who don’t deserve it, yet God will still hold them accountable for their sin if they remain unrepentant. Joseph demonstrated such compassion when his brothers feared he would kill them because they sold him into slavery. He remarked, “Am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” (Genesis 50:19–20). Notice that he did not say that there was no judicial punishment for their sin but that God was the judge, not he.
• Proverbs 19:11 says, "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." We overlook offenses to maintain peace (Proverbs 10:12; 19:11) and to recognize that vengeance is in God's hands, not ours (Deuteronomy 32:35).
• Overlooking an offense doesn't mean a relationship is repaired. We should exercise wisdom with those who seem intent on harming us. David lamented, “Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me” (Psalm 41:9). David was not blindly forgiving and forgetting the offenses against him. Instead, he was aware that former friends were now his enemies.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• God offers forgiveness and reconciliation to the world through His Son, Jesus. Though His offer is a gift (Ephesians 2:8–9), it must be received by repentance and faith (Acts 3:19). For those who have placed their faith in Christ, God attributes Jesus' righteousness to us to cover our sin (2 Corinthians 5:21). He took our punishment.
• Because God has forgiven us through His Son, Jesus, we must also be willing to forgive those who sin against us. Paul wrote, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32; cf. Colossians 3:13).
• Jesus tied forgiveness to repentance: “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him” (Luke 17:3–4). "[B]rother,” means another believer. After repentence, rebuking stops and is replaced by forgiveness. We need wisdom to distinguish between someone saying sorry and being sorry, but as long as they continue to repent, we are to continue to forgive.
• John, speaking to believers, noted that God will forgive our sin if we repent (1 John 1:9). Our hearts should reflect that attitude of forgiveness. When Jesus taught how to pray, He said, “whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25). This was not a formula for getting God to forgive us, but a demonstration that a Christian cultivates a forgiving heart.
• Not everyone repents. God is gracious toward the unrepentent, and He forgives the repentent. We should emulate that. Speaking about persecutors, Paul said, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:17–18). We should not have an embittered heart towards those who unrepentantly harm us.
• That doesn’t mean forgiving them (turning a blind eye to their sin) but rather maintaining peace as much as possible by refraining from retaliation. Paul continued, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).
• Rather than taking justice into our hands, we are to extend mercy towards our enemies Paul finished by saying, “‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:20–21).
• Speaking about believers hurting other believers, Peter said, “Keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). This doesn't negate rebuking them and correcting them with the goal of bringing them to repentence (Galatians 6:1). We continue to love them, not allowing their sin to become our sin in the form of sinful anger or bitterness.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

The word “Christian” was first used to refer to those who were “little Christs,” meaning that they were disciples of Jesus who were learning to be like Jesus (Acts 11:26). And that is what the Christian life is all about: becoming more like Christ.

One way we become more like Him is by forgiving others as He forgives. To do that, we need to be willing to quickly forgive anyone who genuinely repents of his or her sin against us. We cannot nurse a grudge against them or needlessly tell others about what a bad person they are. We should be remind ourselves about how God, through Jesus, forgives us despite a long history of ongoing and recurring sin.

Even when someone does not repent, we can forgive them. We can choose not to harbor ill-will or bitterness toward them. We can choose to pray for their good. We can entrust them in God's hands. At the same time, forgiveness does not necessarily mean a restored relationship. A lack of repentance on the other side keeps the relationship from going from forgiveness to restoration.

Forgiving isn't easy. But when we're like Christ, we show the world who He is. Willingness to forgive others is counter-cultural. The world keeps a record of sins; Christians don't.

UNDERSTAND

• Christians are called to forgive others in a way that reflects how God forgives; this does not mean sin is ignored though.
• There is a difference between forgiveness and restoration or reconciliation, which requires repentance.
• Believers must reject bitterness and vengeance entirely, even when others remain unrepentant, entrusting justice to God.

REFLECT

• How have you experienced the power of forgiveness?
• What helps you forgive when someone sins against you but shows no signs of repentance?
• In what situations might you need to overlook an offense rather than escalate it?

ENGAGE

• How do passages like Luke 17:3–4 and Mark 11:25 together give a complete biblical understanding of forgiveness?
• What is the difference between forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration, biblically speaking?
• How should Christians apply biblical commands about forgiveness in situations where there is no reconciliation or involving ongoing harm or abuse?