What does the Bible say about falling in love?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

From the beginning of creation, we were designed for relationship with each other and with God (Genesis 2:18). Throughout the Old Testament, romantic relationships involve the process of falling in love. Jacob’s love for Rachel was enduring, despite the trials he was forced to overcome in order to marry her. Samson chased after forbidden women and paid a high price for his disobedience to God. Ruth and Boaz’s love story reveals the kind of character traits we should look for in a partner. The book of Proverbs solemnly warns us against romantically involving ourselves with ungodly people, and Song of Solomon displays a poetic love story.

The New Testament’s account of Mary and Joseph is an example of true love. Despite all the strange and unexpected circumstances that disrupted their betrothal, they both obeyed God’s leading and stayed together through it all—embarking on the truly unique journey of raising Jesus Christ. The kind of true love that we should seek and display in our romantic relationships is outlined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and Colossians 3:12-14; it involves godly character traits such as patience, kindness, selflessness, purity, and humility.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• In Genesis 2:21-23, God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he formed Eve out of one of his ribs. When Adam woke up, he delivered the first love poem: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
• In Genesis 29, Jacob’s love for Rachel was so strong that he committed seven years of his life in service to Rachel’s father, Laban, in exchange for her hand in marriage. Laban agreed to Jacob’s request, and in verse 20 it says that seven years seemed to Jacob “only a few days because of the love he had for her.” Even after Jacob was betrayed by Laban, his love was so fervent for Rachel that he agreed to work another seven years for her to be his wife (verses 22-30).
• In the book of Judges, Samson fell in love with forbidden women. Instead of taking a wife from his own people, he selected a wife from his country’s rivals, the Philistines. Even after he was betrayed by his wife, he fell in love with yet another Philistine woman, Delilah, who betrayed his trust not once, but time after time (Judges 16:7-14). Tragically, Samson’s poor choice in women (and ultimately his disobedience to God) resulted in losing his amazing strength, his eyes being gouged out, and the Lord departing from him (verses 18-21).
• In the book of Ruth, a unique love story is found between Ruth and her kinsman redeemer, Boaz. Although Ruth came from a heathen nation, she loved the Lord God. Boaz realized she was a beautiful and worthy woman so he pursued her with kindness and love and finally took her for his wife.
• In Proverbs 5:3-5, we are warned to avoid being in a romantic relationship with ungodly partners: “For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol.”
• A strong warning is found in the Song of Solomon 8:4 to not “stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” We should trust the Lord’s leading with whom we choose to romantically engage instead of allowing our feelings to dictate what we should do.
• The love story between King Solomon and his wife in the Song of Solomon perhaps gives us the most vivid picture in the Bible of romantic love. Throughout the book, the couple expresses all the intense emotions of being in love, yet it is evident that they share an unconditional love founded upon commitment: "Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised" (Song of Solomon 8:6–7).

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• A beautiful love story in the New Testament is found between Mary and Joseph, the earthly parents of Jesus Christ. Mary, a virtuous young woman, is betrothed to a humble carpenter, Joseph (Luke 1). In Luke 1:26-38, Gabriel, an angel of the Lord, informs Mary that she is favored by God, and although she is a virgin, she will conceive a child by the Holy Spirit, and give birth to Jesus, the Son of God. When Joseph finds out about Mary’s pregnancy, he resolves to “divorce her quietly” rather than execute her or publicly or humiliate her, which speaks volumes of his true love for Mary (Matthew 1:18-19). However, in Matthew 1:20-25, Joseph has a dream in which an angel of the Lord informs him that Mary will give birth to the Messiah, and that he must take her as his wife and not have sexual relations with her until after Jesus is born. Joseph does what he is commanded and the couple begins their unique journey of raising Jesus Christ (Matthew 1:24-25).
• In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, true love is clearly described: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” This type of love should be evident in our romantic relationships.
• In Colossians 3:12-14, believers are instructed to be kind, humble, meek, patient, forgiving, and are to above all “put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Such harmony should be present for a godly romantic relationship to function well.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Most everybody desires to fall in love. As humans we share an innate longing to experience a special soul-level connection with someone. If we operate from a worldly way of thinking, it is easy to follow the deceitfulness of our hearts (Jeremiah 17:9) and excuse divorce, adultery, and casual sex. But the Bible does not talk about falling in love. Love is a commitment one makes to do what is best for another for the rest of their lives. We don’t fall in love as much as we build love. The Bible defines true love as selfless, kind, forgiving, unifying, patient, healing, and sacrificial. When people choose to love each other, it is an act of service and intentionality that is not dependent on romantic feelings, environment, or life circumstances. While not everyone is designed for a marriage relationship, for many people, falling in love and getting married is a key part of their lives. Ultimately, if the foundation of our love is rooted in Christ, we will be able to follow His example and extend true love to our partner in all times and circumstances.

UNDERSTAND

• The Bible offers examples of love, highlighting enduring commitment and character.
• True love is characterized by selflessness, patience, and kindness.
• Love is a choice to build a lasting relationship, rooted in intentional actions and selflessness, rather than just emotions.

REFLECT

• How do you understand the concept of falling in love and how does it compare to what the Bible says?
• What does it look like practically to build love on biblical principles?
• How are you encouraged or challenged by the biblical principles of enduring love?

ENGAGE

• How does the Bible’s presentation of love in the marital relationship differ from the culture’s view of falling in love?
• How does viewing love as a commitment change our understanding of relationships?
• How can we build lifelong love with our spouse or how can we prepare ourselves to do this if we plan to get married?