What does the Bible say about dealing with difficult people?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

Everyone has people in their lives that they would consider difficult. As believers in Christ, we are called to respond to difficult people in a way that honors God and does good toward them. When possible, we are called to overlook offenses and to not return evil for evil but rather to return evil with good (1 Peter 3:9). We are called to love difficult people and to pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44; Romans 12:14). This may seem impossible, but with God working in us, it is possible (Matthew 19:26). To return evil with good may chafe at our sense of justice, sometimes rightly so. However, we must remember that it is God's role to bring justice (Romans 12:19). We are to leave the matter in God's hands and trust He will judge justly. We are to seek truth and goodness at the same time. Most importantly, we must realize that we have received unmerited mercy and favor from God instead of the punishment we deserved . While we were hostile and at enmity with God, He sent His Son to die for our sins (Romans 5:6- 8; Ephesians 2:1- 10). Jesus, even while He was being persecuted, prayed for His tormentors (Luke 23:34). Because of this, we can deal with difficult people with the same grace and mercy that God has shown us.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• When dealing with difficult people, we should be slow to anger; when possible, we should overlook offenses and end quarrels before they even begin. (Proverbs 19:11, Proverbs 12:16, Proverbs 20:3, Proverbs 17:14).
• We should refrain from treating a difficult person like they treated us (Proverbs 24:29).
• We should not seek vengeance or hold a grudge against a fellow brother or sister in Christ who is being difficult but instead love them as we would love ourselves (Leviticus 19:18).
• When you encounter a difficult person, remember that you don’t need to do anything under your own power to seek justice because the Lord will fight for you (Exodus 14:14, Proverbs 20:22).
• We should refrain from acting in anger and wrath toward a difficult person because being calm can often diffuse the situation (Proverbs 15:18, Psalm 37:8-9, Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 14:29, Ecclesiastes 7:9, Proverbs 29:11).
• Instead of retaliating against a difficult person, we can try to meet their needs in kindness, and the Lord will reward us (Proverbs 25:21-22).
• Christians should avoid friendships with difficult people so they are not prone to sin (Proverbs 22:24-25, Psalm 34:14).

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• We can show love to difficult people, pray for them, and even attempt to bless them to show the love of God (Matthew 5:43-45, 1 Peter 3:9, Luke 6:27-28).
• We are not to retaliate against a difficult person by treating them the same way they treated us (1 Peter 3:9, Romans 12:17-21, 1 Thessalonians 5:15, Romans 12:14).
• When a fellow Christian is being difficult, we are called to be slow to anger, wrath, or bitterness toward them. Show kindness, compassion, and patience, and forgive them just as Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:12-13, James 1:19-20).
• When possible, Christians are to attempt living peaceably with all people, even those who are difficult (Romans 12:18, Romans 14:19, Matthew 5:9, Titus 3:2).
• If a fellow Christian is being difficult in a way that cannot be ignored, we must speak the truth in love and first confront him alone. If he will not listen, bring two witnesses to try to reconcile. If he still refuses, take the issue to the church (Matthew 18:15-–20).
• God will take vengeance on someone who is being difficult if it is His will; it is not up to us (Romans 12:19).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

The first step in dealing with difficult people is understanding that we are not better than such people by nature (Ephesians 2:1- 3). We live in a fallen world filled with sinful people, ourselves included.

Dealing with difficult people becomes easier when we seek to exhibit empathy for others. We should do to others as we want them to do to us (Matthew 7:12). First Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." Proactively seeking to love one another enables us to forgive offenses and deal with difficulties in a way that honors God.

We can also be proactive in dealing with difficult people by reading and memorizing God's Word, which gives us the right perspective on life. For example, His Word tells us that all people are made in His image (Genesis 1:26), and thus, we should respond to difficult people with grace and love, acting according to the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:25).

Dealing with difficult people is often a trial that God can use to produce good things in us (Romans 5:3- 5, James 1:2-4). In addition, seeing such people as those who are hurting and in need of a Savior can encourage us to overlook their offenses. Perhaps in showing them kindness, Christ will soften their hearts .

UNDERSTAND

• We are to deal with difficult people with love and mercy, even when confronting them.
• We are to want what is good even for difficult people.
• God’s mercy and grace allow us to respond the same way with difficult people.

REFLECT

• How do you typically respond to difficult people, and how does that match with what the Bible teaches?
• How has God shown you mercy despite your own faults, and how can that shape the way you treat others?
• What practical steps can you take to be slower to anger and more patient when dealing with difficult people?

ENGAGE

• How does understanding that we were once enemies of God change the way we view and respond to difficult people?
• What truths does the Bible teache us regarding dealing with difficult people?
• How can we encourage one another to respond with love and grace rather than retaliation when dealing with difficult people?