Does the Bible talk about dating / courting?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

We must seek God’s wisdom in all areas of our life, including our dating and courting relationships (James 1:5). In Genesis 24, we see the unique process by which Rebekah is selected to be the wife for Abraham’s son, Isaac. Some principles we can take from the story include (1) it is wise to involve a trusted person to help us identify a compatible match, (2) we should focus on a person’s character rather than his or her external qualities, and (3) we need to pray to God for wisdom and success in our evaluation process. The book of Proverbs also has much to say on character traits we should value in a dating partner, such as self-control, peacefulness, kindness, and a reverence for God (Proverbs 25:28; 27:15-16; 31:30). The New Testament teaches that we must choose a believing partner to have an equally yoked marriage (2 Corinthians 6:14–15). Similar to Proverbs, throughout the New Testament we are given examples of godly character traits to look for in our dating partner. Is he selfless (Philippians 2:4)? Is God’s impact on her life easy to see (Romans 12:1–2)? Does he abide in Christ (1 John 2:6)? Does her allegiance to God come before everything and everyone else (Matthew 10:37)? Does he actively seek to destroy idols in his life (Colossians 3:5)? Does she value you enough as a fellow believer to respect both your body and your heart (1 Corinthians 6:9)? The Bible gives us a plethora of information on the kind of person we should seek out in a romantic relationship.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• Before engaging in a romantic relationship, it is wise to seek advice from trusted family or friends. We see this in Genesis 24 when Abraham asks his servant to find a bride for his son, Isaac.
• In verses 1-9 Abraham instructs his servant to (1) only choose a woman who is from their homeland, and (2) only choose a woman who is willing to leave everything behind her and follow the servant. The latter instruction was likely to test her willingness to take a leap of faith.
• In verses 10-13, we see that prayer should also be a part of the evaluation process. The servant does not merely rely on himself to find a wife for his master’s son; he implores God to grant him success in his mission.
• In verses 13-14, the servant asks God to make it clear whom the bride of Isaac shall be based on her extravagant kindness: "Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master." If the young woman was willing to draw water for ten camels (for a complete stranger) it would ultimately be a testament of her godly character.
• Is the person you are dating loving and considerate toward others? Similar to Rebekah’s kindness winning her favor in the sight of Abraham’s servant, it says in Proverbs 19:22 that what makes a man desirable is his “steadfast love.”
• Does the man you are dating have anger issues? Does he lack self-control? In Proverbs 25:28, it says that “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Do not date someone whose ungodly behavior could wreck your family or leave you vulnerable to an attack.
• Is the woman you are interested in quarrelsome? If she is argumentative now, just imagine having to deal with the inevitable conflict she will bring upon you for the rest of your life! Trying to restrain her will be futile, like trying to “restrain the wind” or “grasp oil in one’s hand” (Proverbs 27:15-16).
• We are also given a solemn warning in Proverbs 31:30 to not be fooled by external qualities like beauty or charm in a partner but instead put value on that person’s reverence for God: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• Our dating partner must be a Christian (John 3:3–8).
• It is unwise to enter close partnerships (including dating/marriage) with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14–15).
• Does the person seek others’ best interests (Philippians 2:4)?
• Is Christ-centered character apparent in their life (Romans 12:1–2)?
• Do they seek to grow in their relationship with Christ (John 15:1-17)?
• Does the person prioritize his or her relationship with God over all others—even you (Matthew 10:37)?
• Are they removing idols from their life (Colossians 3:5)?
• Is the person you want to date committed to abstaining from sex until marriage (1 Corinthians 6:9)? Though many in society engage in so-called casual sex or even serial monogamy in committed dating, there is no place in biblical dating or courtship for sex.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Dating is a time in which we get to know someone on a deeper level. We discover that person’s personality, likes and dislikes, and hopes and dreams. Whether dating or courting, men and women should treat each other with the same respect and purity they extend to their other brothers and sisters in Christ. Marriage involves constant displays of selfless love, so it is wise to identify that love in a person's life before entering into a lifelong commitment. Whether a dating relationship turns into a marriage or not, it is an opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level, grow in our relationship with Christ, and ultimately extend God's love to that person. Dating is meant to be an evaluation process that helps move us toward a conclusion: marriage or the breaking off of a romantic relationship.

UNDERSTAND

• Terms like "dating" or "courting" are not found in the Bible, but biblical principles guide relationships.
• While dating isn’t explicitly addressed, the Bible emphasizes seeking a partner with godly character and relying on God's wisdom in relationships.
• The Bible advises believers to enter romantic relationships only with other Christians.

REFLECT

• How do you currently seek God's wisdom in your relationships, and how can you incorporate more prayer and guidance into your dating life?
• Reflect on your own character traits and values. How do they align with the biblical qualities of a desirable partner, such as self-control, kindness, and reverence for God?
• How does your current or past relationship reflect the importance of being equally yoked with a fellow believer? How might this principle influence future relationships?

ENGAGE

• How can the story of Rebekah in Genesis 24 inform our approach to evaluating potential partners and seeking God's direction in relationships today?
• What does the Bible teach us about the role of external qualities versus inner character in choosing a partner, and how can we apply this teaching in modern dating contexts?
• How can believers practically ensure they are not unequally yoked with an unbeliever, and what are the implications of this principle for serious relationships and marriage?