How can I overcome having a critical spirit?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

Someone with a critical spirit readily criticizes others in a mean-spirited way, not for their benefit. This is distinct from telling another person the truth in love, even if that truth hurts. The Bible teaches against harboring a critical spirit and offers advice to overcome it. Scripture instructs believers to judge situations rightly, from a perspective of grace; all will be judged in the same way they judge others.. The Bible teaches that only God is a truly righteous judge. Believers are reminded that the Lord bestows grace on us freely, so we should show grace to others. Scripture offers us help for overcoming a critical spirit: Guarding our hearts, disciplining our thought life, focusing on forgiveness, and loving others. Overcoming a critical spirit can help us to live in thankfulness to God and cultivate relationships based on building one another up.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• All we do should come from love of God and love of others. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all offenses.” If we’re criticizing someone, is our motive love or just a malicious desire to point out someone else’s faults?
• Someone with a critical spirit may forget that they, too, have flaws. Ecclesiastes 7:20-22 reminds us, “ ‏Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.”

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• We’re to judge situations correctly (John 7:24) but with grace. After all, we will be judged in the same way we judge others (Matthew 7:1-5).
• Words, kind or critical, are a direct outflow of the heart. Luke 6:45 says: "The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Seeking God to understand His heart helps us to know how to check our motives.
• God wants us to be truthful, certainly, but our words should be edifying: "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29).
• Developing positive mental thought patterns can help to guard against a critical spirit. Believers are told to “be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:1-2).
• That transformation is helped when we discipline our thought life rather than being subject to a critical default setting. Philippians 4:8 tells us to focus on "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise . . . ."
• James 4:12 affirms that, ultimately, “There is only one lawgiver and judge”: God. Believers should speak truth while also acting with grace toward others.
• The Bible teaches that only God is a truly righteous judge (Hebrews 4:12; James 4:11-12; Revelation 19:11).
• Believers are reminded that the Lord bestows grace on us freely, so we should show grace to others (Romans 3:23; 6:23; Colossians 2:13-15; Ephesians 2:1-10).
• Scripture offers us help for overcoming a critical spirit: Guarding our hearts (Proverbs 4:23; Luke 6:45), disciplining our thought life (Romans 12:1-2; Philippians 4:8), focusing on forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4), and loving others (Proverbs 10:12; Ephesians 4:1-3, 32; Galatians 6:1-5; 1 Peter 4:8).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Intent matters. A fire caused by leaving a candle burning might carry civil penalties for negligence, but a fire caused by intentionally setting it is a felony. Criticizing others can cause “fire damage,” at least metaphorically. That’s why, we should examine our intent when we criticize. Do we mean to correct in love and truth or to feel superior? To build up or to tear down?

Sometimes a critical attitude is a habit. Examining others for flaws becomes our default. When we do this, a mirror would come in handy. We all have flaws. And God sees them all — even the ones a mirror doesn’t show. Knowing that He loves us anyway should impact the way we approach others. Tell the truth — but with humility and with the intent to bring others closer to Christ.

When your thoughts immediately go to criticizing others, mentally reject them. Replace them by imagining how Jesus might react to that person. Eventually, as we cultivate a less critical thought life, we learn to live in a spirit of grace and thankfulness.

UNDERSTAND

• A critical spirit is rooted in pride and forgetfulness of our own need for grace.
• Scripture calls us to speak the truth in love, not with a critical spirit.
• God alone is the righteous judge, so we are to correct others with humility and compassion, not superiority or malice.

REFLECT

• How does remembering your own need for grace help you view others with more compassion rather than a critical spirit?
• When was the last time you criticized someone, and what does it reveal about what was in your heart?
• How can you renew your mind and guard your heart to prevent negative thoughts from turning into criticism of others?

ENGAGE

• What’s the difference between godly correction and a critical spirit, and how can we tell which one we're exhibiting?
• How can renewing our minds and focusing on Philippians 4:8 help reshape the way we talk about others?
• How can we encourage others to speak with truth and grace rather than judgment?