What does the Bible teach about conflict resolution?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The Bible teaches that believers are called to be peacemakers and seek reconciliation when conflicts arise. In Matthew 5:9, Jesus blesses those who pursue peace, and in 2 Corinthians 5:18–19, it tells us that God entrusts His followers with the ministry of reconciliation. When conflicts occur, the Bible advises addressing minor offenses by overlooking them (Proverbs 19:11), but for more serious issues, a step-by-step process of confrontation and reconciliation is outlined in Matthew 18:15–17. This process includes private confrontation, involving a few trusted individuals, and, if necessary, bringing the matter before the church. Ultimately, regardless of the outcome, believers are called to forgive (Ephesians 4:32) and to live in humility and peace with others (Romans 12:18). We are called to engage in conflict resolution in a way that honors God and seeks the good of the other person, pursuing restoration if possible. Ultimately, conflict resolution gives us the opportunity to display the gospel to others and to experience God's grace in our own lives.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• For minor offenses, it is beneficial for us to overlook them and be slow to anger (Proverbs 19:11). Extending forgiveness in this way reflects the understanding that the offender is a fellow member of the fallen human race, and God can be trusted to sanctify that person, just as He sanctifies all those who belong to Him.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• As God has reconciled us to Himself, we should also make efforts to reconcile our relationships when conflicts arise within them. Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:9, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."
• When conflict arises in a relationship, whether we are the offender or not, we should seek to initiate reconciliation (Matthew 5:23–24).
• While Matthew 18:15–17 lays a foundation for the process of resolving conflict, Jesus warns in Matthew 7:5 that before even beginning that process, His followers should take time to self-reflect. He says, “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.” We should humbly assess our contribution to the conflict and correct our own behaviors and attitudes before trying to point out someone else's shortcomings.
• When there is an offense we must address, we begin by speaking with the person alone. The goal of private confrontation is to restore the relationship. If that does not solve matters, we are to involve a few trusted others to help with the situation. Again, the point of this is to bring resolution. After that, if conflict still remains, the matter is taken before the church to hold the person accountable (Matthew 18:15–17).
• Matthew 18:17 gives further guidance, stating, "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." In other words, if reconciliation is still not possible, and the person is unrepentant, they become subject to church discipline.
• We are responsible to do everything we can to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).
• Paul writes of the most severe consequence for the offender that refuses to allow a conflict to be resolved, but he still reminds us that the ultimate goal is reconciliation (1 Corinthians 5:5).
• The Bible states in 2 Corinthians 5:18–19 that God "reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation."
• When we speak the truth in times of conflict, we should always do so in love (Ephesians 4:15).
• We should always forgive those who offend us, whether or not the conflict on their side is ever resolved (Ephesians 4:32).
• Our attitudes in handling conflict should be ones of humility and selflessness (Philippians 2:3).
• Hebrews 12:14 calls us to "strive for peace with everyone."

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Often, the conflict resolution strategies we see in the world encourage us to get even, hold grudges, and prove our point, no matter what. The Bible offers a stark contrast to these. We are called to act peacefully, even when we don’t want to. We are to handle conflicts with love and humility. This is not to say that those who wrong us are not confronted with their actions, but we who initiate resolution should conduct ourselves as the Bible outlines for us.

Despite our best efforts and adherence to what Scripture tells us to do, some conflicts may never be resolved. This can be challenging, especially if the relationship we are trying to reconcile is one that means a great deal to us. When conflicts do not resolve, we can remember that both sides have a part in the reconciliation, or lack thereof. If we have done our part and acted as God would expect of us, we can rest in knowing we have done right. The other party’s actions are their responsibility, not ours. Regardless of their decisions for or against reconciliation, we are called always to forgive. Forgiveness is done out of obedience to God and is for our good as we try to live the peaceful lives the Bible calls us to.

UNDERSTAND

• Conflicts will arise throughout life, happening to us or because of us.
• Reconciliation of relationships is always the goal of conflict resolution.
• No matter the outcome of the conflict resolution, we should always forgive those who wrong us.

REFLECT

• How do you typically respond when conflicts arise in your relationships, and how can you better reflect God's call to reconciliation in those moments?
• When faced with a minor offense, how can you practice overlooking it in a way that promotes peace?
• How do you determine minor offenses that can be overlooked versus matters that need to be addressed?

ENGAGE

• How can we encourage other believers to embrace the ministry of reconciliation?
• What are some practical ways we can support each other in striving for peace, even when resolution is difficult?
• How can we navigate the challenge of forgiveness, even when we have done our part in seeking reconciliation, but the other person is unrepentant?