How should a Christian view romance?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

Romance is a feeling of excitement or mystery associated with love and is often characterized by gestures, words, and actions that convey emotional attachment and intimacy. Romance traces back to the beginning of time in which Adam fell in love with Eve and romantically exclaimed delight over her. Throughout the Old Testament, we see beautiful romantic relationships versus destructive ones. Jacob’s love for Rachel was enduring and faithful and Boaz’s love for Ruth was gentle and kind, whereas Samson’s relationship with Delilah was forbidden and resulted in tragedy. In the book of Proverbs, we are warned against evil, seductive people, and we are also advised not to pursue a romantic partner merely for their looks or charm. The Song of Solomon speaks much about romantic love. We are told to not “awaken” love until it pleases, but we are also encouraged to delight in romantic love when we are married. In the New Testament, we see the romantic love story between Mary and Joseph that is founded on a strong commitment to faithfully follow God. Early church leaders had much to say about true love, which is a far cry from the idolized view of romance in our culture today. Through studying what God’s love looks like, we have a better idea of how and when to express romance.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• The first romantic love story we see in Scripture is between Adam and Eve. Shortly after Adam is created, God says that it is not good for him to be alone ( Genesis 2:18). One day, God causes a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, during which He removes a rib from his side and forms Eve out of it ( Genesis 2:21-22). When Adam wakes up, he delivers the first romantic love poem: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” ( Genesis 2:23).
• In Genesis 29, we see a romantic love story between Jacob and Rachel. Jacob dedicates seven years of his life in service to Rachel’s father, Laban, in exchange for Rachel to be his wife. Verse 20 says these years only seemed but a “few days” to Jacob because of the love he had for Rachel. Even after Laban betrays Jacob by tricking him into marrying his other daughter, Jacob agrees to work another seven years for Rachel (vv. 22-30). This love was founded on commitment, which is romantic but not based on feelings.
• In the book of Judges, we see the dangers of indulging in romantic feelings with an evil person. In Judges 16:4-21, Samson, the terrifyingly strong judge of Israel at the time, falls prey to a forbidden romance with a Philistine seductress, Delilah. After he is manipulated by her into confessing the secret to his strength, she betrays him for money and he is brutally tortured (vv. 17-19). Most tragically, the Lord departs from him (v. 20 ).
• The book of Ruth tells of the the romantic, albeit unpredictable, love story between Ruth and her kinsman redeemer, Boaz. After making provisions for the widowed Ruth to provide for herself and Naomi through leaving more gleanings for her to gather, Boaz ultimately marries her. Theirs is a solid, strong love relationship, free from the hypersexualized, ego-driven romance elevated by today’s culture.
• In Proverbs 5:3-5, we are warned to avoid romantically pursuing people who will lead us into sin. Although it can be easy to be seduced by such people, they are ultimately “bitter as wormwood,” “sharp as a two-edged sword,” and their steps “follow the path to Sheol.”
• We must not indulge in shallow romantic relationships, either: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” ( Proverbs 31:30).
• We should not force romantic feelings. In fact, in Song of Solomon 2:7, we are warned to not “stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”
• On the flip side, when love is awakened within the context of a marriage relationship, couples should enjoy each other to the fullest: “Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers” ( Song of Solomon 5:1).
• The entire book of Song of Solomon reveals a romantic love story. Throughout the book’s poetic stanzas, the couple expresses intense romantic feelings toward each other (4:9-10; 7:6-12).

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• Jesus’ earthly parents display deep and meaningful love toward each other. When Joseph gets word about Mary’s pregnancy, he resolves to “divorce her quietly” rather than kill her or publicly or humiliate her, which would have been the expected response for that culture and time. Joseph’s decision to avoid hurting Mary and spare her from shame despite his emotional pain shows his love for her (Matthew 1:18-19). Joseph later learns from an angel in a dream that Mary is pregnant by the Holy Spirit, not because of unfaithfulness. Joseph is also told not have sexual relations with her until after Jesus is born. Joseph, being a godly man, obeys the word of the Lord. Together, Joseph and Mary enter into a truly unique marriage in which they raise up Jesus Christ, the Son of Man and the Son of God ( Matthew 1:24-25). Their commitment to God is beautiful, and their commitment to each other is romantic .
• Contrasting true love as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 with the world’s overly idolized view of romance helps us to realize the shallowness of the latter: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” While mere romance can be fun , it is not lasting like the Christ-centered love described in this verse.
• Marriage is meant to be a picture of God and the church (Ephesians 5:21- 33). The best romance comes within a deep and abiding love between husband and wife. When the foundation is steady, the emotional highs of romance can be fully enjoyed. Romance is richer in a true love relationship.
• In Colossians 3:12-14, believers are instructed to be kind, humble, meek, patient, forgiving, and are to above all “put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” We should “put on” this type of love in our romantic relationships.
• Whether we have romantic feelings toward our marriage partner or not, we are commanded to treat them with love and respect ( Colossians 3:18-19).
• James 1:17 tells us that "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." Within a Christ-centered marriage, romance is a beautiful gift.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Romance is often the initial infatuation in a relationship between two lovers. It often involves excitement, initial attraction, and strong emotions. Love, on the other hand, is a long-term commitment that binds two people together. While romance is a wonderful gift we should cultivate within the context of a Christ-centered marriage , it becomes dangerous when we idolize it. We must not become addicted to such feelings to the extent that we seek out a "romantic high" in ungodly ways. Additionally, we must understand what true love is. This can only be discovered by looking to God. First John 4:9- 10 says, "In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." God expresses ultimate love—and romance. He pursues us and woos us with a love that is steadfast and inseparable (Romans 8:38- 39).

UNDERSTAND

• Romance is often based on excitement and other feelings.
• True love should be prioritized over fleeting romantic feelings.
• Commitment within marriage is romantic.

REFLECT

• How do you define the difference between romance and true love?
• How can you pursue true love over romantic feelings?
• What are some qualities of commitment in relationships that you admire and wish to emulate?

ENGAGE

• How can the lessons from biblical stories of love, like those of Jacob and Rachel or Ruth and Boaz, inform our views on romance?
• How can we address the cultural pressure to prioritize romance over commitment in our relationships as Christians?
• How do the teachings in 1 Corinthians 13 challenge our understanding of love and romance today?