Should Christians date or marry non-Christians?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The Bible strongly warns against pursuing a close relationship with an unbeliever in dating or marriage. The Old Testament reveals God’s warning not to marry foreign wives because they would turn their hearts after false gods. The apostle Paul also warned that a close union with an unbeliever comes at the risk of being “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14) and compromising godly morals (1 Corinthians 15:33).

From a spiritual perspective, the identities of a believer versus an unbeliever are directly opposed, and therefore incompatible. While believers are adopted sons and daughters of God and are called to sacrifice their lives for the cause of Christ (Romans 12:1–2; Colossians 3:1–17), unbelievers are still slaves to sin (Romans 6:6–11) and spiritually dead (Ephesians 2:1). Dating or marrying an unbeliever may look like a good solution to loneliness and/or similar struggles in a single believer's life; however, we must prioritize obedience to Christ over short-term comfort. Following His will in any circumstance, especially when it comes to finding a life partner, is of paramount importance. We must look forward to what He is accomplishing (Romans 8:28) and trust that His blessings are far better than anything we can imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• Deuteronomy 7:3-4 warns against intermarrying with people who are from godless nations “for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods.”
• 1 Kings 11:1-4 tells us that King Solomon had many foreign wives although “the Lord had said to the people of Israel, 'You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.' Solomon clung to these in love... And his wives turned away his heart." Solomon's foreign wives led him to worship other gods.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• Unbelievers are still slaves to sin (Romans 6:6–11). Because of this, the whole foundation of life for believers and unbelievers is directly opposed.
• Paul makes it clear in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that a close, intimate relationship with an unbeliever is unwise. When he states: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers,” he is saying that if believers become “yoked” to unbelievers, the outcome will be like two incompatible farm animals constantly working against each other. In other words, believers should only be united with those who share the same identity in Christ.
• Paul also asks his audience, “What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:15). This question further emphasizes the issue of a believer’s identity clashing with an unbeliever’s identity.
• If a believer pursues a closely bonded relationship with an unbeliever, he or she will risk the unbeliever’s influence negatively impacting godly morals (1 Corinthians 15:33).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Although dating or marrying an unbeliever may appear to solve issues like loneliness, cultural pressure to marry, or fulfill the desire to have a life partner, it comes at the high cost of rejecting God’s word as our primary source of wisdom. Some people say there is risk for tensions to arise between an unequally yoked couple when dealing with the struggles of child-rearing, church involvement, holidays, and the like. However, the command to not be unequally yoked is not merely in place to avoid marital disagreements, as they will exist in every marriage. We must obey God to avoid doing a disservice to our testimonies. If we profess to love God, we must choose to obey Him—especially when it comes to choosing a life partner.

UNDERSTAND

• The Bible warns against being "unequally yoked" with unbelievers, as it can lead our hearts astray.
• Believers and unbelievers have opposing spiritual foundations.
• Prioritizing God's wisdom over short-term desires, especially with relational decisions, ensures long-term spiritual health and blessings.

REFLECT

• When it comes to relationships, how are you tempted to prioritize short-term comfort over obedience to God’s Word and wisdom?
• How do you seek God's guidance when making important relational decisions?
• What would it look like for you to trust God with your desire for companionship, even if it means waiting?

ENGAGE

• How might dating or marrying an unbeliever affect our spiritual growth and witness to others?
• How do cultural pressures around marriage challenge the biblical command to avoid being unequally yoked?
• What are practical ways we should handle relationships where they have differing spiritual beliefs without compromising their faith?