What kind of condolences should a Christian give to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

God is a Healer (Psalm 147:3), a Comforter (2 Corinthians 1:3–4), and One who can help carry our burdens—even the painful burden of grief (Psalm 34:18; Matthew 5:4, 11:28-30). Whether the grieving person is a believer or not, we should extend Christ-centered truth and love to them. We can remind them of God’s nearness to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), comfort them through sharing Scriptures appropriate to their situation (2 Corinthians 5:8; John 3:16: Revelation 21:4), and pray for them (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Every season of life, including death of a loved one, has a time (Ecclesiastes 3:1–11). For those in our life struggling through the loss of a loved one, we should be like Christ to them, loving them, comforting them, and sharing with them promises from God’s book of truth, the Holy Scriptures.

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” This verse may comfort those who are suffering emotional pain after losing a loved one.
• We can also remind the grieving person that God is a Healer, and that this is a core part of His good, loving nature. Psalm 147:3 says that the Lord “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
• Ecclesiastes 3:1–11 speaks of different seasons in life. It may help to validate the grieving person’s stage in life right now—a time of weeping and mourning (verse 4). We can also assure the grieving person that we are here with them during this very painful season of life.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• We can encourage those who are grieving by assuring them they don’t have to carry their burden of grief alone. In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
• Sometimes, grieving people ask about eternity. We must be careful not to judge whomever just died, but to share the gospel and the Good News in a truthful, loving, Christ-centered manner (John 3:16).
• Second Corinthians 1:3–4 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” God’s nature is to comfort, and we can direct those who have lost loved ones to Him. As children of God we are also comforters and should seek to console others. We can also pray for the grieving by asking God to specifically heal their hearts during this difficult season of loss and pain.
• If the deceased was a believer, mourners should be reassured that their loved one is now with God (2 Corinthians 5:8).
• We are instructed to continually pray (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Whether the grieving person in our life is a believer or unbeliever, we should pray for them. We can be specific in our prayers based on the person's standing with God or the struggles they are currently facing.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

Though we might feel compelled to offer clichés or maybe even ignore the grieving due to our own discomfort, we are to move toward those who have experienced loss with the love of Jesus Christ. Acknowledging another’s grief and being present for them in Christ-centered ways can be extremely helpful in their season of loss. Grief is natural and healthy, and God has given us one another to be a support system during times of profound loss. If we know someone who has lost a loved one, we should allow them to express their grief, knowing that everyone moves through pain and loss differently. The gifts of friendship, presence, and listening often offer the best condolences for someone grieving.

UNDERSTAND

• God comforts the grieving.
• Children of God should console those who have lost loved ones.
• In comforting unbelievers, it’s best not to comment on the judgment of the deceased, but it may be a good time to share the gospel with mourners.

REFLECT

• If you’ve lost a loved one, what type of support was especially helpful?
• When considering the reality of death, what Bible passages do you find particularly comforting?
• What are the biggest challenges you’ve faced when trying to console someone after the death of a loved one?

ENGAGE

• What are the key challenges in consoling unbelievers after the death of their loved ones?
• How can the gospel be best introduced in the context of grief and loss?
• How can you support a brother or sister in Christ after he or she has lost a loved one?