Should we always obey our father and mother?

from the old testament

• Honoring our parents is a clear command from God (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16). This command is part of the Ten Commandments, showing that it is foundational to godly living. To honor comes from the Hebrew word kabad, which means to weigh heavily and to be of great value. This means taking what a parent says very seriously and with great value. The opposite of treating one's parents with kabad would be to treat them lightly, disregarding what they say as unimportant. This command can refer to obedience, but it means more than that.
• Even adults are called to honor their parents, but it does not require the same kind of obedience that is expected of children under their authority. As adults, we are no longer under the same governing structure of obedience, since Scripture shows that leaving one’s parents and forming a new household is part of God’s design for maturity and independence (Genesis 2:24). This means adults are not commanded to obey parents in every decision, especially when they are living independently and accountable before God in their own lives. Still, we are called to always honor our parents.
• God designed parental authority as a source of instruction and protection. In Deuteronomy 6:6–7 parents are commanded to teach God’s Word diligently to their children. A parent's instructions are to be heeded.
• Proverbs 1:8 says, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.” Because parents were meant to guide children in God’s covenant ways, obeying parents was tied to obeying God and living wisely.

from the new testament

• Obedience to parents is explicitly commanded for children while the call to honor one's parents is for all. Ephesians 6:1–3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Colossians 3:20 also says, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
• Jesus modeled obedience to his parents and, in so doing, honored them (Luke 2:51).
• Ephesians 6:2 repeats the Old Testament command to honor one's father and mother.
• Obedience to parents is not just limited by age or stage but also by obedience to God. We are to obey God above our parents (Luke 14:26; Acts 5:29). Matthew 10:37 challenges us by Jesus saying that loyalty to Him must exceed even family ties.

implications for today

There is a moment in every life when the relationship with our parents shifts—not in love but in structure. As children, obedience is part of how God forms us; we are under their authority and must therefore obey. But as we grow into adulthood, Scripture shows a God-designed transition where we “leave” and “hold fast” to a new life before Him and to a spouse (Genesis 2:24), meaning we are no longer called to obey parents as we did when we were children, but rather honoring them in every season because we are ultimately called to always obey God.

This distinction is quite important. To obey is to follow direction under authority; to honor is to carry weight, respect, and value for someone regardless of authority structure. One changes with time and dependence; the other is permanent and rooted in love. We may no longer be required to follow every parental instruction as adults, especially when we are responsible before God for our own lives, but we are never released from treating our parents as people God has placed in our story with dignity, gratitude, and care (Exodus 20:12).

This becomes especially real in the tensions of adulthood. There may be moments when parental expectations, opinions, or even pressures don’t align with what we believe God is leading us to do. In those moments, honoring means we don’t respond with dismissal, pride, or disregard. It means listening, considering what they say, and speaking with respect, helping them understand our desire to follow God in obedience above all.

And this is where the beauty of maturity in Christ shows itself: we don’t outgrow our parents in arrogance. We grow into deeper honor. We begin to see them not just as authorities over us but as people with stories, limitations, wisdom, and humanity. It means seeing them as those who deserve care and respect. Honoring parents as an adult may look like calling them back, not getting annoyed by their thoughts, caring for them when they are in need, speaking kindly when it would be easier not to, or simply refusing to treat their voice as meaningless—even when we no longer submit to it as a command.

We must hold onto the truth that God is shaping something in us through obedience as a child and honoring as a lifelong posture. Honoring our parents may not always be easy, but it is always pleasing to God. And ultimately, our reverence for God enables us to honor our parents even when it is difficult.