How can I encourage someone who has been hurt by the church?

Fall Sin

TL;DR:

Being hurt by the church doesn't mean you have to walk away from Jesus. Healing begins when compassion meets truth and wounded hearts are pointed back to the Savior who never fails.

The Bible never minimizes the pain caused by sinful people, including those within the church, but it also never equates the failures of God's people with the character of God Himself. Every person is a sinner (Romans 3:23), yet God is perfectly loving, just, and able to heal the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3). Jesus established the church to be His body—a place where believers worship God, encourage one another, and grow together in faith (Matthew 16:18; Hebrews 10:24–25). When people within the church fail, they are acting contrary to Christ, not representing Him faithfully. Rather than allowing hurt to grow into bitterness, we must entrust justice to God, who will judge every wrong perfectly (Hebrews 12:15; Romans 12:19). At the same time, Scripture reminds us that some offense comes not from mistreatment but from God's Word confronting our sin, calling us to repentance and new life (Ephesians 4:15; Luke 9:23). Above all, Jesus invites every wounded and weary person to come to Him for healing, rest, and hope, because while people may fail us, Christ never will (Matthew 11:28–30).

from the old testament

Those who have been hurt by the church must be encouraged to distinguish between God and fallible human beings who make up the the church. Victims of people should never reject God who is loving and "heals the brokenhearted" (Psalm 147:3).
It's a mistake to minimize others' pain. We can listen to them and encourage them to share their hurts with God, as the psalmist does (Psalm 102).

from the new testament

We can help the emotionally wounded to understand that believers are characterized by love (John 13:35), but that individual people are fallible (Romans 3:23), and one or two wrongdoers do not represent the entire body of Christ. Nor do they represent God, who loves and cares for us (Luke 12:6-7; John 3:16).
Those who have been grieved by the church should be encouraged not to dwell on the pain so "that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble" (Hebrews 12:15). God will avenge injustice (Romans 12:19); holding onto anger or sadness will only make pain last longer.
We can explain the mutual love and encouragement that is meant to occur in Bible-believing, God-honoring church (Hebrews 10:24–25, 10:34-35) and that the church is a gift from God (Matthew 16:18; Ephesians 5:25). Helping someone find a good church can go a long way toward them overcoming their pain.
On the other hand, some may have been "hurt" by the church because their sin was not accepted. For example, an unmarried, cohabitating couple may hear a message at church that condemns fornication and be "hurt" by that message. In such cases, Christians must speak "the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15), pointing out that living God's way often involves sacrificing our way (Luke 9:23; Romans 12:1).
The most important encouragement to those who have been hurt is from Jesus who said, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

implications for today

Loveisnowhere.

Depending on how you read that, you saw either "Love is now here" or "Love is nowhere." Perspective affects meaning. Your perspective on your past impacts how you see the present and future. If you've been hurt by the church, you may now believe every church is fake, unsafe, or not worth trusting. Maybe you've even begun to distance yourself from God.

But mud splashed on your windshield doesn't make the rest of the world dirty. Churches are filled with human beings, which means some make mistakes that hurt others and not everyone has right motives. Those hurts are real and should never be minimized. Yet Christ has not abandoned His church. He will deal with the wrongdoing, and He is still building His people. There are faithful believers who genuinely love God, love others, and strive to reflect Him to a world that desperately needs Him.

Don't allow a past experience to skew your perspective on the church as a whole. Don't let the failures of some keep you from the Savior who never fails. Bring your hurt honestly to God, ask Him to heal what others have broken, and trust Him to lead you to a church where His Word is faithfully taught and His love is genuinely lived out. The church may have wounded you, but Jesus is still worthy of your trust.

understand

We can listen lovingly to those who have been hurt by the church and direct them to God, the great Healer.
We can also remind them of the difference between sinful people and the perfect, loving God.
Helping someone find a God-honoring church can lead to dispelling the negative views they have of the church.

reflect

In what ways has your view of God or the church been shaped by the actions of other believers?
What steps can you take to pursue healing without allowing past hurt to keep you from growing in your relationship with Christ?
How can you respond in a Christlike way when you are hurt by someone in the church?

engage

What are some practical ways believers can walk alongside someone who has been hurt by the church?
How can Christians distinguish between the failures of sinful people and the perfect character of Christ?
What does it look like for a church to speak the truth in love while also caring well for those who have been wounded?

More Resources

Life

Healing - What does the Bible have to say?

God can still heal supernaturally today, sometimes instantly, sometimes through a process, or even by working through medicine. Though God may not always choose to heal in this life, we can trust His perfect wisdom and timing in all circumstances.

Church

How should conflict within the church be handled?

Conflict within the church should be handled with humility, love, and a desire for reconciliation and restoration. Jesus and the apostles instructed believers to seek peace through private reconciliation, patient correction, and forgiveness, so unity and the witness of Christ’s body are preserved.

Christian Life

What should I do if I have been burned and hurt by the church? How can I overcome my aversion to the church?

If we have been hurt by the church, we should pursue wisdom and direction from God and welcome His healing into our life. We are called to pursue peace—even if that means forgiving others or leaving a church in a Christ-like manner to find one that upholds biblical standards.

Relationships

How can I heal from a broken relationship?

Although broken relationships can be very painful, we can follow Christ’s example and extend grace and forgiveness to those who hurt us.