How can I be a good friend?

from the old testament

• A good friend is loyal, especially when life gets hard. Proverbs says, “A friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17), and “a brother is born for adversity.” A true friend doesn’t disappear when things get difficult.
• A good friend tells the truth, even when it is difficult to do so: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6). A good friend cares enough to lovingly tell someone what they need to hear rather than simply what they want to hear.
• In a proverb about friendship, Proverbs 27:17 says that “iron sharpens iron.” Good friends don’t just make life more fun; they help each other grow, become wiser, and become more like Christ.
• Proverbs 13:20 teaches that the people we spend time with influence who we become. Good friends encourage each other toward wisdom rather than pulling each other toward foolishness.
• David and Jonathan are one of the clearest examples of a good friendship. Jonathan remained loyal to David even though David was a threat to Jonathan’s own future as king. He protected David, encouraged him, warned him when Saul wanted to kill him, and made a covenant of friendship with him (1 Samuel 18:1–4; 19:1–7; 20:4–17). Jonathan also showed he was a good friend by not becoming jealous when David became king instead of him. He genuinely celebrated David’s calling rather than competing with him, showing that a good friend wants what is best for the other person, even when it means putting aside their own interests.
• Ruth also demonstrated remarkable friendship. Ruth refused to abandon Naomi after losing her husband and chose to stay with her even though it meant leaving her homeland and facing an uncertain future (Ruth 1:16–17). Her loyalty shows that good friendship involves commitment, sacrifice, and showing up when walking away would be easier.

from the new testament

• Jesus is the ultimate example of a good friend. He called His disciples friends and said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13–15). Jesus didn’t just tell His friends that He loved them; He demonstrated it by serving them, caring for them, and ultimately giving His life for them. We may not actually give our lives for our friends, but we can give of our talent, time, and treasure for them.
• Jesus’ friendship included truth and correction. He loved His disciples enough to challenge their pride, selfishness, fear, and misunderstanding (Mark 8:33; Luke 9:46–48). Biblical friendship isn’t avoiding difficult conversations; it’s having them with humility and love.
• Jesus served His friends. Before His death, He washed His disciples’ feet and commanded them to follow His example of serving one another (John 13:12–17). A good friend isn’t always asking, “What can I get from this friendship?” but “How can I serve this person?”
• Paul and Barnabas demonstrate friendship in ministry. They worked together to spread the gospel, encouraged believers, and endured opposition for the sake of Christ (Acts 13–14). Their friendship shows the value of having people who share the same ultimate purpose and encourage each other to keep going, even when life gets hard.
• Paul and Timothy also provide a picture of intentional, encouraging friendship. Paul invested in Timothy, encouraged him to remain faithful, reminded him of his calling, and challenged him to keep growing (1 Timothy 4:12–16; 2 Timothy 1:6–8). Good friends don’t just know where someone is; they care about who that person is becoming.
  
• The early Christians practiced practical friendship within their fellowship that was not just about having a good time, nor was it just about studying the Bible intellectually. Acts 2:42–47 describes believers sharing life together, meeting regularly, caring for one another, and meeting each other’s needs. Christian friendship is meant to be more than occasional conversation or just activities together. It involves true community, generosity, encouragement, and showing up.
• The New Testament commands believers to love, forgive, bear with, encourage, and serve one another, all essential aspects of friendship (Ephesians 4:32; Galatians 6:2; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Philippians 2:3–4).

implications for today

Imagine getting a text from a friend who’s having a terrible day. You’re busy, you have your own problems, and honestly, part of you wants to say, “I’ll get back to them later.” But being a good friend often looks like choosing to show up anyway. The Bible's examples of friendship remind us that good friends don’t just celebrate the fun moments or are there to have a good time; they tell the truth when it’s hard, listen when life gets messy, pray when they don’t know what else to do, and stay when things get uncomfortable. A good friend doesn't just say they are your friend; they show it to you.

Think about the kind of friend you want to have—someone who knows the real you, loves you anyway, points you toward Jesus, and doesn’t disappear when life gets complicated. Be that friend first. That might mean sending the text, making the phone call, checking in when someone has gone quiet, or having the uncomfortable conversation instead of avoiding it. It can look like celebrating a friend’s success without jealousy, keeping their confidence, forgiving when they hurt you, and being willing to say, “I love you too much to pretend this is okay.”

As you think about the kind of friend you want to have, make sure you look for friends who will challenge you to follow Christ rather than simply affirm everything you do. You may never know how much one conversation, one prayer, or one decision to stay beside someone mattered—but that doesn’t make it insignificant. Good friendship isn’t about being the perfect friend; it’s about faithfully loving people the way Christ has loved you.