Should we forgive people who don’t ask for forgiveness?

from the old testament

• The Mosaic Law provided a system for atonement and forgiveness that required confession and sacrifice (see Leviticus 4:27-31). Repentance was normally expected for God to grant forgiveness. In terms of divine forgiveness, repentance and atonement were essential under the Old Covenant. However, among people, the Old Testament teaches mercy, compassion, and a readiness to forgive, even when the offender has not yet repented.
• The Old Testament commands God’s people not to seek revenge or hold grudges. This means we must be willing to forgive. Leviticus 19:18 commands, “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.” This implies a heart of forgiveness, even when the offender hasn’t made things right.
• Joseph is a powerful example of someone who forgave before his brothers fully repented. Genesis 50:19-21 reads: “But Joseph said to them, ‘Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good… So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.’ Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.” Joseph had already forgiven them in his heart long before they expressed fear or regret. His forgiveness was not dependent on their apology—it flowed from his trust in God’s sovereignty.
• David had a heart of forgiveness despite a lack of repentance. David repeatedly spared Saul’s life, even though Saul was trying to kill him. David showed mercy and refused to retaliate. First Samuel 24:10 recounts, “Behold, this day your eyes have seen how the Lord gave you today into my hand in the cave. And some told me to kill you, but I spared you. I said, ‘I will not put out my hand against my lord, for he is the Lord’s anointed.’”
• The Old Testament repeatedly describes God as “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love” (Numbers 14:18; Exodus 34:6; Psalm 86:5; Jonah 4:2; Nehemiah 9:31). While God does not forgive without repentance, He is always ready to forgive. We, too, should be ready to forgive, even if the other person hasn’t yet asked for it.

from the new testament

• Jesus clearly taught that forgiveness is required for His followers. In Matthew 6:14-15, He says, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” This command doesn’t include a condition that the other person must first apologize. We are called to offer forgiveness, even when the other person doesn’t ask for it.
• On the cross, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). The people crucifying Jesus had not asked for forgiveness, yet He extended it. Forgiveness is not always dependent on the offender’s repentance; it can be an act of grace from the heart of the one who has been wronged.
• When we forgive, we are not just releasing the other person; we are also freeing ourselves from the burden of bitterness. Ephesians 4:31-32 calls us to, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
• Forgiveness reflects the grace we have received in Christ. We forgive because we have been forgiven (Colossians 3:13).
• While full reconciliation may not be possible without repentance (Luke 17:3), forgiveness can still be extended from your heart. You can release the offense to God, trusting Him to deal with justice. Romans 12:19 tells us, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”

implications for today

Forgiveness is one of the hardest commands to live out, especially when the person who hurt us hasn’t apologized or changed. But those of us who have been forgiven by God are called to forgive, not because the other person deserves it but because we didn’t either. Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the offense never happened or ignoring the pain it caused. It means releasing the debt, refusing to hold on to bitterness, and leaving justice in God’s hands.

Forgiveness is also not forgetting—it’s remembering what happened to us, choosing to respond with grace, and setting wise boundaries to protect ourselves from further harm. It also means recognizing that God is sovereign and in control and will one day right all wrongs. He will hold accountable those who have wronged us. We can entrust the people who are not asking for forgiveness in God’s hands, knowing that His ways are best. He mourns at injustice and wrongdoing, and He assures us that He will one day judge in righteousness.

In the meantime, holding onto bitterness and refusing to forgive someone only holds us hostage to sinful attitudes and has negative consequences. If you’re struggling to forgive, take your hurt to God. He understands, and He’ll help you walk in both truth and love. As we reflect God’s mercy, we give the same gift that changed our lives—grace freely given.